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//sigel phoenix//
a.k.a. dora, is an eighteen year-old fangirl currently attending the uw. a writer, a romantic, a neurotic, a dreamer. see more at her website, or her pages on tfme and ff.net. email her at kotori [at] u [dot] washington [dot] edu as she works her way through her second year in college toward an english degree (and various and sundry minors), she is currently employed at the school of nursing on campus. listening to sakamoto maaya and onitsuka chihiro, and watching naruto, scrubs, friends, hey! hey! hey! music champ. writing from the ashes. awaiting sakamoto maaya's shonen arisu. featuring jai rodriguez from queer eye for the straight guy, because he's so much fun. created using photoshop 7.0 and notepad, with brushes from angelic-trust.net. best viewed in 800x600 or higher res, using msie 5+. brought to you by a quote from carson kressley: "don't be afraid of color. lord knows i'm not." valhalla which way is up? la chute unsealed shaolien's xanga angel's sworn duty penny for your thoughts if wishes were fishes ... man-blog shinjitsu no ichiban phonograph on! jentech productions annink nightmajik's livejournal across the universe maniac in denial twilight dreams tsubasa clara's livejournal sasayaku kielle's livejournal kirakira harleyquin's livejournal dance of the hours mina's livejournal cygnus' livejournal istoria's livejournal //group links//
pitas
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08:19 p.m.
Friends are a good thing to have ... especially when they introduce you to British humor poets. XD
"The Church of the Wholly Undecided"
by Les Barker
Brothers and sisters;
I speak to you today in the Church of the Wholly Undecided;
I wanna hear you say "Yeah!"
I wanna hear you say "No!"
I wanna hear you say "It's a bit beyond me, really!"
We are gathered here together,
Sister side by side with brother,
To proclaim we are Agnostic;
Don't know one way or the other.
In this, we won't be shaken,
Though hard the winds may blow;
In doubt we are united
And we cry: "We do not know!"
Brothers and sisters;
I wanna hear you say "Errrrrrrrrrrrr!"
I wanna hear you say "There are two sides to this, you know!"
I wanna hear you say "It's as broad as it's long!"
We hold no fear of persecution,
It pains us not to be derided
As we stand here in the Church
Of the Wholly Undecided.
Oh my brothers and sisters,
I know I speak for you
When I say we know for certain
That we haven't got a clue.
Brothers and sisters;
I wanna hear you say "It's beyond my comprehension!"
I wanna hear you say "Well, it's a bugger, innit?"
I wanna hear you say "I Dunno!"
Faith is like a mountain;
Do you think that we should climb?
I did not see it happen;
I was not here at the time.
O my friends, be ye contented,
For ignorance is bliss;
We stand foursquare behind our message
And we don't know what it is.
Brothers and sisters;
I wanna hear you say "I am not a sheep!"
I wanna hear you say "Baaaaa!"
We know that we don't know,
So let our vision still be pure;
We are Agnostic Fundamentalists;
We're fundamentally unsure.
Peace, my sisters and my brothers;
The Agnostic does not smite;
We are tolerant of others;
There's a chance they may be right.
Brothers and sisters;
I wanna hear you say "Death to nobody whatsoever!"
I wanna hear you say "The infidel might have a good point, you know!"
I wanna hear you say "Well, I'm baffled, me!"
I want you all to clap now.
//Wednesday, December 3, 2003//
Halfway through my English paper. It's due tomorrow morning at 10:30. Does this sound familiar? :p I swear, next quarter I'm going to be more on top of things. I better be, because I'll be working and won't have the time to catch up on all the sleep I miss as I type away into the night. @_@
I feel really odd, attempting to psychoanalyze Wordsworth and Coleridge through their poems, and determine the state of their feelings for each other, and their respective hopes of Coleridge overcoming his dissolution. I chose this topic because I like doing close reading; but somehow my notes steered me toward a sort of Freudian exploration ...
Just wanted to drop a note and prove that I'm still alive. Right after I finish this paper, though, I have to dive straight into finals ...
//Monday, December 1, 2003//
Today's reading assignment in my philosophy of religion class. Thought I'd mention it, as it's a good read on a current issue.
//Monday, December 1, 2003//
Back. ^_^ And immediately, I get swallowed up by impending finals. *sigh* Two more weeks, though; just two more weeks ...
Also, the more I find out about it, the more I'm tempted to see The Last Samurai. I know, I know! It could be Very Very Bad. But still, the story takes place in early Meiji, and Tom Cruise's character is hired to train the imperial forces in order to defeat the remaining samurai (rather, I assume it's the remnants who are still loyal to the Bakufu). I mean, they could, of course, still mess things up, but d00d! It would be great if they do it right. *_* Also, I've heard Tom Cruise speaking Japanese, and his pronunciation is good. Which is, apparently, something the film has over Kill Bill. XD
//Wednesday, November 26, 2003//
I feel so strangely giddy and excited, even though it's just a four-day weekend. ^_^; I mean, I'm really eager to see everyone at home, but even that doesn't quite explain it; I know we won't have that much time, and it'll probably be Christmas when we get to spend a decent amount of time together. But the thing is, I feel almost like it's an end of the quarter break, or even an end of the year one. o_o Maybe it's because I've been sucked into school this quarter, and have been hanging out with the same group of people every weekend, and basically feel like I've been here forever. ^_^;
Argh, what am I going to do when it actually is the end of the year? Or when I graduate?? @_@ ("Give crowns and pounds and guineas/But not your heart away ...")
//Tuesday, November 25, 2003//
Please excuse this entry; I've been on something of an Ayu high for the past week or so ... That, and I gave a craptacular presentation in English this morning, and I felt like unwinding with a bunch of mindless quizzes. ^_^;
11:29 p.m.
06:27 p.m.
09:51 a.m.
09:56 a.m.
02:46 p.m.
You're 'Dolls'
Which Hamasaki Ayumi Song Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
RAINBOW
Which Ayumi Hamasaki album are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
Everlasting Dream
Which Ayumi Hamasaki Song Are You (yAy! Another one! :D)
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//Monday, November 24, 2003//
... is what I say. XD;; I'm feeling so pleased and generous, I'll even refrain from making you eat your words. (だけどさ､ あんたの 母さん じゃない よ！!)
Le sigh ... What suddenly happened to make me become surrounded by blooming romance and general rabu-rabu ambience? Am I to lose my last fellow Singleton up here?? (Hand, staple, forehead, etc. etc.) In all seriousness, though, recent developments have had me thinking a lot about matters of love and such pesky relationship-ness. It used to seem so easy, but the longer I wait for it and the more I think about it, the greater it seems to grow in my mind as some impenetrable behemoth that will rebuff any attempts to control or understand it. Or maybe I'm just thinking too hard (as per usual), and it'll all make sense when it comes. ("I couldn't crack the love code, dear/Till you made the lock on my heart explode~~")
Recent considerations have had me thinking about, in particular, the changes that a romantic relationship brings (especially to the inexperienced, such as me). There are certain inevitable changes that I know will occur, some desirable and some not so much. But there are other things, aspects of relationships and of myself, that I cannot yield. I'm not sure how naive I'm being by saying this before I've experienced it; but sometimes it's best to make the promises before hand, as something to turn back to when things get crazy (as I know they will).
Love, I know, will make me more: happy and sparkly (kissing and cuddling and general fuzzy romanticness), excited and confident (as you can practically see new lovers regarding the world as full of altered possibility), and all that good stuff. I want this, I look forward to it, and hopefully I can expect it. At its most basic, romance is just one more kind of loving relationship -- in that sense, nothing bad can come out of it, because it's one more person who loves you, in another kind of way. With the greater intimacy and sense of partnership, though, there's more. I also anticipate that love will provide me with the opportunity to make myself more patient, more mature, and more selfless, and I can only hope that I'll be able to recognize it when that happens.
What I won't allow, however, is for love to make me *less* of anything. (No snarky commentary about being "less" selfish or "less" childish or anything. :P) Under no circumstances would I want to be less of a friend, lesser in integrity, less of a good student, less of anything. I wouldn't shirk responsibility on a paper just so I could go on a date (though I realize I could stand to be a little less uptight >_>). Neither would I ditch people I made plans with so I could spend time with my boyfriend, or lie to someone so I could run off with him. If there's something I couldn't do and be proud of by myself, I won't do it just because I have a boyfriend with me.
Am I being too idealistic by saying that? I'd like to think not. Though I suppose, in the end, I'll have to wait until I actually get the chance to try all this out. (And, er, I'll also have to stop talking as if I only wanted a relationship for the XP, because it's really not like that. ^_^;;)
//Sunday, November 23, 2003//
I learned a very important lesson tonight. I hope it's something that sticks with me so that when the time comes, I won't make the same mistakes and cause the same hurt that I see now. At the same time, the more I learn about things of the romantic persuasion, the more I realize I have so little experience, I can hardly even begin to say that I "will" do this or that. "Even if I calculate it out, I still have to experience it," says Pita Ten ... and isn't that true? Interacting with other people causes them to have all sorts of silly effects on you, like making you happy or nervous or just plain stupid, and it really messes with your carefully laid plans.
Human relationships are crazy and convoluted and nasty little buggers. Funny that they're so worth it, in the long run.
//Thursday, November 20, 2003//
Of course, I have to indulge in a little frivolousness (frivolity?) too, so:
09:37 p.m.
04:36 a.m.
05:25 p.m.
Your soul is bound to the Solitary Rose: The
Alone. "When I wake up alone, the shades are still
drawn on the cold window pane so they cast
their lines on my bed and lines on my
face." The Solitary Rose is associated with loneliness,
melancholy, and patience. It is governed by
the goddess Merope and its sign is The Sword,
or Unrequited Love. As a Solitary Rose, you may be summed up as a
hopeless romantic. You desire love and have so
much love to give, but thing just never seem to
work out the way you want them to. In life,
you can be very optomistic, even when things
are gray and nothing works out to your
expectations.
What Rose Is Your Soul Bound To?
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You are a gold dragon! Golds are the queens, the
rulers of the dragons. You are respected by
every other dragon, and everyone listens to
you, no matter what. The highest-ranking males
compete to be your mate. Your human partner is
the leader of the Weyr. You are diplomatic,
and good at finding solutions to problems that
satisfy the majority of the people concerned.
You are the largest dragon, and the most
powerful. All hail the queen!
What color of Pernese dragon are you?
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//Thursday, November 20, 2003//
I begin with a bit of British snark, because really, what better way is there to start off an entry? Says Hugh Grant, love is "loving someone no matter what their faults in a blind and unconditional way, such as the love Tony Blair has for George Bush. That is the purest form of British love today."
<3<3<3
And to follow that up, we have a response to the psuedo-populist tripe that says that banning gay marriage is in line with general opinion and therefore correct. (Example here.) A concise and well-written piece that takes the slightly unusual track of reminding us that the role of human rights is to prevent minorities from being victimized by the vagaries of public opinion. It's not the usual criticism given of that kind of argument, but I do see a very real point in it. There's also a bit about the unreliability of polls, but I've had that point drilled into me since the debates we had in history class junior year. XD;;
Also read this to see why basing sexual laws on religious preference is not only stupid -- I doubt we really need to argue that again -- but also blatantly hypocritical. A rather definitive argument, I would say, against justifying anti-homosexuality legislation with Christianity. (Psst, hear that? I think it's the sound of your moral high horse riding off into the sunset. <3)
This, of course, is all in response to the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court ruling on Tuesday that banning gay marriage is unconstitutional. Squee! ^_^ I mean, small steps, I know, but it's not like we couldn't use a little reminding that, well, bigotry isn't legal. It is always nice to know that the laws are maturing in tandem with the society.
But, of course, this wouldn't be complete without a report from the leader of the country! Quoth the illustrious president:
"Marriage is a sacred institution between a man and a woman. Today's decision of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court violates this important principle. I will work with congressional leaders and others to do what is legally necessary to defend the sanctity of marriage."
In other words:
"Marriage is Our Dubya. Proudly defending marriage against people who want to get married since 2000! And if that doesn't get you out there and voting, I don't know what will.
//Wednesday, November 19, 2003//
For Cora:
04:35 p.m.
a sacred institution between a man and a woman.only and ever what I think it should be. Today's decision of the Massachusetts Supreme Judicial Court violates this important principle.my ability to make everyone else think the way I do. I will work with congressional leaders and othersfellow extremists and others who believe in arbitrarily implementing individual interpretation of specific religious doctrine as national law to do what is legally necessary to defend the sanctity of marriage.my right to remake the private lives of the whole of the United States in my own image. Me me me. The end."
04:34 p.m.
Gluon -- You are a great mediator. You tend to hold
groups together even though you don't truely
lead. You tend to get along well with quarks.
What kind of subatomic particle are you?
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You are water. You're not really organic; you're
neither acidic nor basic, yet you're an acid
and a base at the same time. You're strong
willed and opinionated, but relaxed and ready
to flow. So while you often seem worthless,
without you, everything would just not work.
People should definitely drink more of you
every day.
Which Biological Molecule Are You?
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Let us rejoice, for I am victorious!! I finally eliminated the last email that had been bouncing messages from the ADP mailing list! I kept getting failure notices, but whenever I tried to unsubscribe the address, I was told it wasn't subscribed to the list. Finally, I realized that the owner of the mailbox must have subscribed using a forwarding address, so I hunted that down from one of the error messages, and! it! worked!! ^o^ Forgive my immoderate enthusiasm; this has just been chafing at my inherent neuroticism for weeks. XD;;
Interesting day. My philosophy professor demonstrated John Dewey's concept of radical empiricism using marijuana and pr0n. No, really -- he was giving examples of how experiences can be retrospectively evaluated, and hence the truth value (in the case of the drug-induced hallucinations) or moral worth (in the case of the ethics of erotica) of your previous ideas may be altered. And, er, after all that we got to actually talking about religion. ^_^;
//Wednesday, November 19, 2003//
Of all the things I've discovered since coming to college, Dragon's Pen is at the top of the list (right up there with Yunnie's XD). It's one of the things that keeps me sane. Or, conversely, something that's driving me over the edge -- but either way, it's letting me have fun while I'm at it. XD;;
I also pimped out Pablo Neruda sonnets last night at the meeting. (Because that has so much to do with critiquing fantasy writing, I know. :P) I gave the book to Merry, but also shared one of my favorite poems with Sam, because it's not right to keep it to myself ... Here we go:
I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.
I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way
than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.
Heh, yeah, sorta given up on the idea of having a guy write these for me (even if both guy and will were there, love poetry being the tricky beast that it is), so I'll just live vicariously through Matilde. ^_~
Ugh, I have to go to class now, don't I? *gazes dolefully out window* What happened to my mild November weather? T_T
//Tuesday, November 18, 2003//
"[Fanfiction is] not so much 'training wheels' as specialization." Mmm yes. Must read more thoroughly later, when am not needing to get ready for Dragon's Pen meeting, but just thought I'd slap the link up there. One of those few-and-far-in-between closer looks at how fanfiction complements original writing, besides just saying it's "easier." :D
//Tuesday, November 18, 2003//
Today will be my first day at the new job, sort of. It's primarily training, but I'm also setting down my schedule and will be following it starting tomorrow. Gyeee. o_o It sounds like a fun job (well, fun for me, because I actually don't get bored with data entry ^_^;;) and I'll be glad for the income; the only problem is that it'll be 10 hours a week, and 15 starting next quarter. When I was at the convenience store, I was only working 4-8 hours during the weekdays, and taking care of the rest on the weekend. So, um, I guess this means I have to stop being lazy if I want time to get my work done, hm? >_>
Last night was lots of fun, though. At swing club we learned Swing Rhueda -- be warned, that spelling is somewhat intepretive. ^_^; It's a relatively young dance, adapted from the salsa version, that has pairs dancing in a circle. There's all these synchronized moves, and the girls rotate partners along the circle ... it looks really neat. :D
Unfortunately, as soon as I got back I had to dive right into philosophy reading. Which isn't bad, except we're done with the James and have moved on to John Dewey, who has good ideas but whose language is, uh ... It's getting slightly better, though, the more I read him. I suppose it's sort of like Shakespeare; after a while all the syntactical quirks and the like start clicking, and it makes perfect sense. XD
//Saturday, November 15, 2003//
Dekimashita~~
I'm actually surprised how easy it was to put this together, considering how many pieces are in the table. It's not a complex table, exactly; just multi-parted. It was nice to be able to get back into some good old-fashioned coding, though. No divs or anything, because I knew I would screw it up somehow. ^_^; (And let me also take the time to say that it's very very useful to keep the original .psd file of one's layout, even after one has sliced it into the necessary images. Because when one has, uh, screwed up the dimensions of said images, it's wonderful not to have to make the whole thing again. _o_;;)
And now, off to dinner!
09:50 a.m.
05:54 p.m.
09:45 a.m.
06:17 p.m.
