~{deeper than all roses}~ chicken scratch 22

{{Saturday, June 14, 2003}}

Ah, natsukashii~~

This is the first time I've been home since spring break ... I got to eat my mom's cooking for the first time in months (well, I did get it at the dorms, but this time it was *fresh* ^_^;;). I got to sleep in my own bed for the first time since last summer (because when we came home for holidays I just stayed in neechan's room). And then today, I unpacked a lot of stuff and cleaned my room, which entailed much organizing of old knickknacks and reading of old papers ... along with the realization that I have way too much old shiznat. @_@ But I got rid of a *lot* of crap -- though I've now added so many books to my collection that my makeshift bookshelf (read: the box my stereo came in ^_^;;) is beyond overflowing, and I have books creeping around my walls in pseudo-centipede style. XD;; I really need to get a non-ghetto bookshelf. Or to sell some books. Or both, because that way I'll have more money, *and* I'll be able to organize some of the piles of manga I have stuffed in various places. ^_^;;

... And of course, there's always that lovely return home to dial-up. :/ (But I don't have to listen to my processor going "RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR" every time I switch between windows, so I guess it's a fair trade. XD Plus, I get my Winamp playlist back. *cuddles*)

Oh, and among the nostalgia-inducing activities engaged in today was digging through our box of old comics. Actually, neechan did that and I just dropped in to look over her shoulder. Much fun, along with a little bit of sadness that I have absolutely no idea what's going on now, and have forgotten much backstory I once knew. Although I did get a lot of amusement out of re-acquainting myself with the constant italicizing they do ... I mean, what is that even about? XD;;

It was sort of strange, though, to realize that the year was over and I'm home for good (or, at least, that the year was over and I'm home for three weeks ~_~), and to realize how alien that felt. I keep wanting to grab my keys when I leave the room -- any room -- or expecting that everything will be within easy reach, like my bed or the fridge, in whatever room I'm in. Or thinking that some people I'm used to seeing every few days are right within walking distance, and that other people I'm used to thinking of as being far away are still "away." And I understand that probably other things have changed also, even though I don't quite believe it when my parents say so ...

... but in the meantime, I don't want to think about that, and just want to enjoy being home. ^_^ I'm unpacked and organized to the extent that I think I'll be allowed to be unproductively social, so ... all that remains is for me to make good use of my ever-impressive organizing skills so I can see people. XD

~with each breathing~10:46 p.m.

{{Thursday, June 12, 2003}}

I don't wanna go to work today~~ (Ah well, it's my last day until next year, so I guess I shouldn't complain. :P)

Interestingly enough, I worked last night's shift with a girl I knew but had never worked with before ... and it turns out she's a big anime fan too. ^_^ Well, manga more than anime; I think she reads them in Korean. Anyhoo, we sorta lost any motivation for productivity after we discovered our mutual interest. ^_^; (Though, in our defense, there isn't much *to* do there, since we're about to close.) We were talking about RuroKen, and it turns out she did actually like Seisou Hen. O.o But as we talked, she explained that she didn't like how they did it in comparison to the manga, either -- which was fine by me. I have no objection to people liking Seisou Hen; I just insist upon the ultimate superiority of the manga. XD;;

Oh, yes, and here's what I heard about yesterday through the English department mailing list. A new senior seminar was added to the class schedule for next year, and here's the description:

"For AUTUMN 2003: Comics Literature. Comics have long been considered a "low" cultural art form. In this course, we consider comics as a genre worthy of academic attention. The course offers a whirlwind history of comics: early forms of writing in ancient times, medieval illuminated manuscripts, political satire and caricature, and contemporary comic strips and graphic novels. The ways in which the interaction of pictures and words produces effects special to this genre will shape our investigations. We engage in focused study of a relative explosion of late twentieth-century graphic novels globally. We will read texts by comics writers from around the world – including Japanese, New Zealand, American, and Iranian – about topics and themes as varied as the WWII holocaust, the first Palestinian Intifada, Lesbians and the media, Serbia/Bosnia/Croatian war, racism, the Iranian revolution, incest, apocalypse, and, of course, crimefighting. Questions of race, class, and gender, and colonialism inform this exploration of a genre that is popularly classified as being a western “white-boy” thing. Readings include both literary and critical texts. We will make at least one field trip to view the wonders of comics-related materials in the Suzallo Special Collections. Assignments include response papers, a creative project and presentation, and a critical research paper and presentation. Please read Scott McCloud's Understanding Comics before the first day of class."

.......!!!!

I know I just said all that stuff about not wanting things to change so fast and everything, but -- oh, to be a senior next year. >o<

*sigh* In other news ... well, not much has happened. ^_^; I've been working, socializing with people I won't be seeing for several months, and generally lazing around since I don't have any more finals. XD I did find a clip of Sakamoto Maaya's newest insert song in Wolf's Rain, played during episode 17. Since my speakers aren't of the greatest quality, I couldn't tell at first if the song was in English or Japanese. ^_^; But it sounds pretty, and I want to hear the rest of it~~

Gotta plug neko-chan's new layout, cause it's got a great summer vibe, but also -- it's AzuDai. 'Nuff said. XD

And now, a quiz result before I head off to work:

What color are you? (Anime Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

(It clashes with my layout. O.o I changed my answers, but I couldn't get blue ... ^_^;;)

~with each breathing~10:41 a.m.

{{Monday, June 9, 2003}}

DE~KI~MA~SHITAAAAAA~~~~~!!!!!!

Officially finished with my first year of college. XD XD XD (Now all I have to do is wait for my grades ... ^_^;;) It doesn't really feel like it, though, since I'm going to be hanging around here till the end of the week (for neechan's remaining final). Plus, I'm still working. (Just think of it as an opportunity to make more cash ... ~_~)

But, yes. I'm done. I think. My paper ended up being finished off in a rather half-assed manner -- I cut out a lot of what I was planning to say, partly because it was too tangential, partly because I just wouldn't have time to write about it. I sort of wish I could revisit the topic (fanfiction as postmodernism) later, when I had both the time and the desire ... but knowing how lazy I am, it likely won't happen. ^_^;

And now, I have some days to spend without much to do (at least, until neko-chan has her last final). Have to sell back books, make a Yunnie's run (because I didn't go last weekend~~ T_T), and possibly make a new layout while I can still use Photoshop 7.0 in the computer labs. XD

~with each breathing~06:03 p.m.

{{Saturday, June 7, 2003}}

Two finals down, one more and a paper to go. ^o^

Been recuperating/concentrating on study these past few days ... or, at least, attempting to do so, with varied levels of success. ^_^; See, the postal service has decided to be furkin' on time with everything, and there has been something of a deluge of sparkly (and highly distracting) goodies. In fact, I'm listening to the third RuroKen TV soundtrack right now. XD And, um, I know this is neechan's birthday present (the Rurouni Kenshin Complete CD-Box XD XD XD) ... but she shares the love. It's all good. ^_^ (Though I'm still miffed that "Fourth Avenue Cafe" was left off the theme song collection. "Niji" is good, but not the better L'Arc song, IMO. :P)

It occurs to me that I could hole myself up in the room doing nothing but reading RuroKen douj and listening to RuroKen music and never come out again ... but I'm not that bad. Really. ^_^; Also, I have a paper to attend to. ^_^;; At least I only have one more exam to worry about, though. (And apparently my English professor is already finished grading the tests we took yesterday. o.o)

The campus paper ran its last issue of the year yesterday, and several articles and advertisements were made in honor of the graduating seniors ... It seems so strange to me, that this is actually the end of the *last* year for some people. I think I felt this way at the end of my freshman year in high school, seeing all the stuff for the seniors -- I was thinking "Wait! I just got here -- it's not time for ending and changing already!" Because all this time I've been thinking that sure, it's the end of Spring Quarter, and also of the school year ... but that just means summer vacation, and then we're right back here again. And, in a way, I've been relying on that cycling aspect of things -- if everything stays in this routine, if I settle into this pattern, then I won't keep moving further away from high school. It's strange to me, for instance, that we're having another "end of the year," because part of me thought that the end of senior year was *it.* But no, achieving college isn't the end. There's even *more* change, and more endings, after that ... and it's strange to me. Make sense? ^_^;;

Maa. Last night we showed the last episodes of AzuDai -- my parents came up so I missed it, but I'm rather glad because, with my current state of mind, I'd probably be blubbering. ^_^; Not that the last episode doesn't make me cry on its own, anyway. T_T I also watched the end of Vandread, which was good; and Guu, which was ... sudden. ^_^; On to Guu Deluxe~~

Mou ... I want neko-chan to get out of her final so we can make a run to Yunnie's. ^_^;

~with each breathing~02:34 p.m.

{{Wednesday, June 4, 2003}}

So ... in the past couple of hours that have followed dinner, during which I attempted to start my English paper, here is what I have accomplished:

-opened Microsoft Word
-typed heading and title, and formatted document (you know, page numbers and stuff)
-looked up sample fics at the Pit of Voles (perfectly legitimate research activity)
-read several sample pages from the Bridget Jones sequel (there's some sort of application of the principle of literary pastiche in there ...)
-sampled the American Idol 2 CD (um ...)
-stared at heading and title of paper on Microsoft Word (....)
-learned how to waltz (really -- right here!)
-read most of an article I can cite in my paper (success!)

... Wish me luck, everyone. I need it. ^_^v;;

EDIT: Been meaning to congratulate people on domain-related advances. Yay for Jen proclaiming her pushy uke-ness (XD;;), and for Tin getting Four Cats up and running (must go read later, when not pretending to be working).

Okay, that's really all. Must must must get busy.

~with each breathing~10:26 p.m.

{{Wednesday, June 4, 2003}}

Listening to neechan playing the CCS character vocal album. Specifically, "Kimi ga Ita Scene." I do so love Seki Tomokazu ... though, on the other hand, it's kind of odd to hear such a mellow song from him when the last role I heard him play was Bart in Vandread. And the last song I heard him sing was some pseudo-opera neko-chan played for me. XD;; (Thanks for the well wishes, btw. And yes, I *did* get your email ... to which I say: "Nna~???")

Current status report:
Finals studied for: none
Final papers written: none

Stupid sickness. Stupid other stupid things. XP I just want to get through the last week of this quarter ... >_< I really have no worries about getting through my finals in decent shape; what I really need to do is write my damn paper. 40% of my grade, yo. *wince* The only problem is that I tend to do everything *but* write my paper. I've read blogs instead of write ... watched TV instead of write ... even *written Ashes* instead of write (a sign of desparation XD;;)! Mou~~~

Okay ... whining complete. Commence productivity. >o<

~with each breathing~05:55 p.m.

{{Monday, June 2, 2003}}

Would be inclined to whine here, except for the fact that I have Nyquil in my system and am still tired despite having conked out for three hours this afternoon. So a little ARGH ARGH WHY DO I HAVE TO BE SICK THE WEEK BEFORE FINALS is about all I can muster. That, and I *need* to start my English paper -- it's due Monday, but all my finals are this weekend so I can't write it then, and I still have no idea what my topic will be. @_@

*sigh* Much thanks to neechan for putting up with my whining, and trying to make me feel better after a very looong past few days. XP I also got a nice distraction this afternoon, when Dianne started my training as next year's ADP Internet Officer (I still don't remember ever actually volunteering for the position ... ^^;;). It seems simple enough, except the shtml is a bit over my head at the moment. o.o Will have to learn that soon.

Also ... for the past several weeks, my mom has been sort of "Yes, I know you like that Clay fellow for American Idol ..." and tolerating my obsession dutifully. A couple of days ago, though, she saw Clay sing on Regis and Kelly and now she wants to know if we can get his album. XD It's so nice to know I have the power to corrupt the whole family ...

~with each breathing~09:45 p.m.

{{Sunday, June 1, 2003}}

I've never done the Friday Five before, but I rather like this week's set of questions, so:

1. What do you most want to be remembered for?
Improving myself. Trying, if not always succeeding, at becoming the person I want to be. Sounds awfully trite, but it's what matters to me most. ^_^;

This question is a bit odd to me, because by saying "what do you want to be remembered for," it pretty much means "what do you want your life to mean/accomplish?" But then there's that addition of being "remembered" for it. Another goal in my life is one which I don't care whether people "remember" or not -- to somehow leave the world slightly improved, so that the net result of my existence is positive. I know I'm always going to be the cause of some hurt or frustration, and I accept that; so by saying "net result," I just mean that I want to do more good stuff than any negativity I cause, so that any people I have contact with end up being at least slightly better off, in the end, than without having met me. (Come to think of it, that sounds a bit arrogant, though ... ^_^;)

2. What quotation best fits your outlook on life?
I've never had one quote that summed up my life, so I'll just say that for the moment, it's one from Oscar Wilde: "Only the shallow know themselves." Though I think his original intent with the line was much more jaded than how I take it ...

If I were being idealistic, I'd pick something by Rumi -- because I can't always bring myself to have an outlook like his, but I do admire it. It's sort of my intended outlook on life. ^_^; I'm not sure which quote I would choose -- maybe "Open the window in the center of your chest,/and let the spirits fly in and out" or "There is a way of breathing that's a shame and a suffocation./And there's another way of expiring,/a love breath, that let's you open infinitely."

3. What single achievement are you most proud of in the past year?
Rather obviously, making it through my freshman year of college. :P Personally, I'd say there hasn't been much reason to be exceptionally proud of myself this year; there have been disappointments, or at least lost opportunities to really improve myself ... but I think I've generally done well, and I look forward to next year. (Someone lend me some Shoujo Idealist Speech Sparklies, while I gaze off profoundly into the distance. XD;;)

4. What about the past ten years?
Surviving my teenage years thus far with my sanity, self-esteem, and dignity intact. It's harder than it sounds, as anyone over the age of thirteen will understand.

5. If you were asked to give a child a single piece of advice to guide them through life, what would you say?
Hm ... not to rely on my advice as the single thing to guide them through life? ^_^;; Seriously, though, if I could get any "message" across, it would be: you'll change your mind. Over your haircut, over that kid who annoys the hell out of you right now, over your fundamental beliefs. Remember that, and never cling too stubbornly to what you "know" right now. One of the obvious applications of this concept would be during the teenage years, when you feel so *sure* that no one understands you, or are so *sure* your life will never get any better. But also ... well, it seems like my own individual beliefs have been crumbling and sprouting and adapting and growing, and it doesn't seem like it'll end any time soon; holding onto them too tenaciously is just silly. And somehow I don't think that mine is a wholly unique experience.

I rambled. ^_^;; I was going to keep talking after this, but since I've taken so much time already, I think I'll just quit and call it a night.

~with each breathing~01:23 a.m.