It's widely accepted, and certainly I agree, that it's best when a romantic relationship grows out of a pre-existing friendship. For one thing, you know (a little) more about what you're getting yourself into, since you already know the person and how to handle them; also, there's that added reassurance that the other person likes you for you, as opposed to a more physically-based attraction. (I'm not saying this is necessarily *true,* mind, but it's readily inferred.) I like that, because it would make me feel more comfortable knowing that this guy didn't have some skewed opinion of me based on limited interaction, and there was less chance he would run off once he found out I was a geek. The problem is, romance typically doesn't -- contrary to the wishes of many -- sprout up instantaneously, at the perfect moment. Usually there's a gradual realization of one's own attraction to another person that can develop early on in the friendship, even if it's not something that's ready to be shared ... (I don't know about other people, but the possibility of romantic prospects tends to spring into my mind when I start developing a closer friendship with a guy. I have a lot of guy friends, and it's not like this remains forever on my mind; but usually when the relationship is new I'm very conscious of the position I'm in, as a female becoming closer to a guy. Even if I know from the start that the likelihood is slim, there's still that awareness. You know?)

Chances are things won't progress in a neat little step-by-step pattern, i.e. 1) meet and develop acquaintaince, 2) solidify friendship and become comfortable, 3) realize and express romantic feelings, 4) commence "kareshi kanojo" stage. Usually things will get mixed up somewhere, whether that means you find yourself developing romantic feelings as you're getting to know the person; or you know from the outset that you're attracted, but would still like to cultivate a meaningful friendship. But the attraction can mess with the natural progression of the young relationship -- at the very least, by making things awkward because one person is looking/hoping for something more. So, if you do end up liking another person before the friendship is ... "prepared," I guess? ^_^;; What do you do?

Bla bla bla, I'm dancing around the issue. My primary worry (for the moment) is this: I am a big fat dork. And when I like I guy, I watch helplessly in typical dork-like fashion as all my mental faculties fly out the window whenever he approaches. At a loss as to what to do, I usually sort of gape a little and try to hide, should the necessity for talking arise. Sometimes, though, my mouth takes over and lets things come out -- things which I *know* aren't coming from my brain, because *that* useless lump of tissue is sitting in my skull saying "Durrr ..." Of course it usually returns to normal after the fact, and I always have brilliant contributions to the conversation several hours after said conversation has ended.

This is all very troubling to me, because how can I then convince a guy I'm interested in that I'm Cool and Hip? XD;; Or at the very least, assure him that I'm not always like this, and can be articulate and hopefully engaging. It's like some sort of Saddam Hussein syndrome: I'm never disarming when I need to be. (I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's all Neil Gaiman's fault for planting that horrendous pun in my head, I swear! *ducks*)

As things stand, I don't think I'm the kind of person who can function well when I 'like' a guy, at least not to the point where I can be my normal self and develop a friendship as such. A friendship probably wouldn't develop much at all, because I would seem either abnormally quiet or inclined to speak like an idiot. If I'm already friends with the guy, then I guess it's okay -- it'll probably be pretty obvious that I'm interested, but at least we'd already know each other. But especially now that I'm in college, a (relatively) new place with hundreds of new people, I'll be meeting -- and becoming interested in -- lots of people, all the time. (Erm ... I mean, not *all* the time; it's not like I go hunting out guys every time I'm in a new part of campus. O.o;) What is more likely to happen is that I'll meet someone, want to be friends, but *also* be interested in 'that way' ... and thwart the first desire because of the second.

I've talked neechan's ear off about this and other related subjects already. I know that there's no real *answer* to this; I also know that I'm not the only person to be experiencing this or similar troubles. And I don't mean to whine -- okay, yeah, this is sorta whining, but I don't mean it in a "Waah! Everyone look at me! Help meeee!" kind of way. And whenever I think or talk about these kinds of issues, I usually end up going in a circle. So I'll just shut up. But I really do wish there were some rational, objective part of my brain that could keep functioning even when the rest of me gets all schoolgirl-giggly inside. It would be so much more convenient, you know?