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Saturday, March 22, 2003
Home is nice. ^_^ Train ride back was quiet, relaxing, and generally uneventful. We were originally scheduled to go in the morning, but that train was delayed and we ended up going on the same one as our Sam -- except we didn't see each other until the end of the ride, even though she was three rows behind us. ^_^;;
Here at home I haven't been doing anything much, besides being nostalgic and reacquainting myself with everything I've missed for ten weeks -- such as my Winamp playlist. XD;; And shopping, of course -- because whenever my mom gets to see us again she likes to take us shopping. She got me to buy a pair of jeans *and* earrings. (I am weak. T_T) I've also been messing around with grown-up stuff, like checking accounts and debit cards and tax forms ... Ick. >_< But kind of nice, in its own way ... I don't know, part of me feels a kind of dread when I deal with this stuff, but part of me is eager for it (and it's not just about the money I'm making that's the cause of all of this ^_^;). I've never been one of those kids who wanted to be "treated like an adult"; I didn't bug my parents to stay out late when I was little; to get a credit card, or a car; to let me babysit so I could feel like a "big kid." When I was a kid, I *wanted* to be treated like a kid -- and now that I'm a bigger kid, I'm not bouncing up and down anticipating my entrance into the adult world. Yet at the same time, I *do* want to know about all these things, and to try my hand at dealing with them (with the safety net of my parents' presence, though). I think the reason I'm open to adult responsibilities -- and this may apply to other teenagers like me, who may not have wanted them initially, but still get to that point -- *is*, actually, a part of growing up. Because when you begin adopting an adult mindset, and thinking adult thoughts (sure, take a moment to be ten years old again and laugh at that XD), it somehow doesn't feel complete without a fuller knowledge of adult responsibilities and worries and the like. Like, if I want to be able to consider world issues or think seriously about my career or make life plans -- how can I do that without knowing about the stuff I'll have to deal with? Not just so I can adjust my plans accordingly, but so I'll gain that wider understanding, that particular edge to my perspective, that all those people who *do* think about and do these things have. Or something. What this all means is just, even if I don't relish the idea of new things to worry about, or am particularly eager to be yanked out of the complacency of my youth, I do want this.
(Oh, who knows. Maybe I just want to feel cool by filling out the professional-looking forms like the "grown-ups" do. XP)
Hm ... Is it odd that I'm not hugely excited to be home? o.o Not that I'm not happy -- I love being able to be with my family, and I'm chomping at the bit at the prospect of seeing my friends again -- but ... I'm not dreading going back, nor do I even look at it as something I should/have to do. After winter break, I still felt like I was too tired to start a new quarter, even if I didn't mind going back to Seattle. Now, I want this week to last a long time, but I'll be happy to go back, too. Maybe I'm just looking forward to what's happening in the next couple of weeks -- Les Mis, SakCon -- but I don't think that's all of it. (I should enjoy this, though. My summer plans are a bit up in the air, but it could end up that I'll spend maybe a month out of the summer at home. *sigh* The downside of this whole responsibility thing ...)
Off to edit a short story I wrote over the summer. Am planning to submit it to the writing club for critique ... and though it's good I'll finally be on the receiving end, after months of honing my skills at giving critiques ... I'm a little bit terrified. XD;;
angel in my heart, awaken ... 11:05 p.m.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003
Free~~~ XD XD XD
That's about all. ^_^; We're going home tomorrow morning, so packing and such needs to be done. (I haven't been home in over ten weeks. This is going to be odd. o.o)
angel in my heart, awaken ... 03:59 p.m.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003
Beautiful day. ^_^ The sakura trees are blooming -- they started just yesterday, I think -- and it was wonderfully sunny-but-cool when I walked back from my philosophy final. Which I got out of an hour early. Gotta love having midterm-length exams in a final-length time period. XD
(There was a little blond boy in tiny red galoshes playing in the quad. He was playing in the "puddles" -- it stopped raining early in the afternoon so they were rather measly -- and his grandmother was trying, somewhat unsuccessfully, to take pictures of him. SO CUTE. *dies*)
Am tempted to forget that I have a final tomorrow morning. ^_^;; I'll study, really ... just gotta give my brain a rest first. Preferably by watching American Idol tonight. XD
angel in my heart, awaken ... 04:00 p.m.
Monday, March 17, 2003
English paper finished! W00t. Now to work on my (much less brain-draining) philosophy review.
Aaaaand ... for those of you who enjoy this sort of thing (^_~) pirate!Orlando Bloom.
angel in my heart, awaken ... 09:29 p.m.
Monday, March 17, 2003
Hell.
Okay, so a few months ago, I submitted some poems to an annual publication by the CHID department on campus. Not so much a literary journal as a collection of creative works in general. I find out today that they've accepted two of my poems. Yay! They need me to sign a release form so they can use them in the publication. No problem. So I take a look at the form they want me to fill out, and it's not *just* a release form for one-time use -- it's a release of *copyright.* WTF!?
I mean, I don't really think they're out to do anything bad with these works they're putting into the publication. More than anything, they're probably just trying to make sure they have all their bases covered when they publish the thing and start selling it. And apparently they've been doing this for years without problems, but ... these are substantial rights I'm signing away. I'll only be able to have those two poems for personal use, or for publication without "monetary or material gain." (Meaning other literary journals, I guess, since that's the only thing I can think of that I wouldn't get paid for.) It would seem silly to lose this chance at having my work in a campus-wide publication just because of this, but at the same time, it would also seem silly to relinquish complete control over my work just to be published. Erg.
This reminds me vaguely of the whole snafu a few years ago, when Yahoo acquired Geocities and laid out the new Terms of Service that granted them complete and unqualified use of whatever content was put on their servers by free homepage users. The purpose was to allow for use in advertising, stuff like "Look at what people use our services for!" but still. I, personally, wasn't seriously worried about having anything they'd take or abuse, but nonetheless I moved servers just to avoid the chance. I don't think Yahoo!Geocities actually did anything objectionable with any of their users' content; nor do I think the CHID department will make unreasonable use of my poems. But I will have lost control over them, as well as the ability to make a profit from their publication anytime in the future. It's only two poems, sure, and I could easily refrain from publishing them anywhere else. But ... I don't know; I'm afraid this would somehow come back to bite me in the ass in the future. Or maybe not this instance specifically; but should I just avoid making a habit of giving up copyright to any of my stuff, period?
I also submitted a few things to the student-run literary magazine. Haven't heard anything yet, because official notification happens in May. I wonder, would it be the same thing? Does this mean I shouldn't make a big deal about it? It's just that the idea of relinquishing ownership of a creative work, even if it's only the monetary aspect of its use, feels repugnant to me ...
Ugh. No time for this. English paper must be written. Must ignore. And for right now, lunch.
angel in my heart, awaken ... 12:32 p.m.
Sunday, March 16, 2003
One down, three to go. Of course, the final that I had yesterday was Japanese (re: the easiest), but I'm trying to look at things in a positive light. ^_^; I'm pretty sure I did well on it, despite the fact that I was trying to kick my brain into gear at 8:30 in the morning. ~_~ Actually, I almost feel *bad* about how much studying I did, because she and I went out to a birthday dinner with one of our friends from the Dragon's Pen the night before, and I got home around ten, reviewed for an hour, and then just went to sleep. ^_^; But I'm sure that relaxing and having fun (and going to Yunnie's ^_^) the night before a major test has some kind of beneficial qualities. XD;;
Last night neko-chan and I sat around doing pretty much nothing except for watching TV. But that was fine with me. XD She also showed me the first couple of episodes of Wolf's Rain, of which I very much want to see more.
And today ... today I was supposed to write my final paper for English. But it's almost five o'clock and I have no idea what I'm going to write about. @_@ I utterly lack motivation ... and that's probably because I got one of my essays back yesterday, and ... I didn't get a *bad* grade, per se, but it was definitely worse than what I've gotten before from this teacher. This is sort of the opposite of what happened last quarter -- that time, I thought my teacher didn't like my writing much at all, and then he gave me a 4.0; this quarter, I thought I was doing great, and now ... this. I can sorta see why this grade was relatively low, but not *really* -- and since we use student numbers instead of names, each paper is supposed to be anonymous, but regardless I've tried to compare his comments between each paper and see how they match. Maybe find just *what* went wrong. Which is of course driving me crazy and getting me absolutely nowhere in my final paper. >_<
(And I know one of my New Year's resolutions was to not let myself wallow in whatever funk I fall into ... and I'm trying, really. But I'm fighting against the inertia of laziness, with no sort of motivating force to provide any impetus. And it's so easy to think that Wednesday is very far away and I'll somehow have time to do it later. ^_^;;)
Just gotta get through this week and I'll be okay. Tomorrow I review for Tuesday's final, Tuesday I review for Wednesday's final, Wednesday I pack, and Thursday I'm home. ^_^ Then a week later it's Les Mis, and one more week till Sakura Con ...
angel in my heart, awaken ... 04:40 p.m.
Thursday, March 13, 2003
I've been sitting in my room for three hours, and have somehow managed not to write a single word of my English essay. It doesn't even have to be that *long* -- I just draw a blank whenever I try to get started, because it seems silly to me to try to say anything really substantial about "The Picture of Dorian Gray." (Wilde may not quite be spinning in his grave because of it, but ... does he twitch? I think he twitches.) And then, as soon as I finish this paper, I have to get started on my final paper. And it doesn't really matter what I do right now because I have to leave for class again in less than an hour; all my other classes are finished or winding down, but no, philosophy's still going strong ...
Whine whine whine. Gripe gripe gripe. Okay, done. XD;;
Next week's theme for American Idol will apparently be movie songs. Much goodness. Motown was fun, but now we'll get some lovely ballads and such. I'm personally in favor of them having a Broadway show; but I've no idea how likely that is since I didn't watch last time. But I think I would explode in sparklies to hear Clay sing "Why God Why" from Miss Saigon or "Empty Chairs at Empty Tables" from Les Mis. (Everyone please pardon the TV Whore here ... XD;;)
angel in my heart, awaken ... 01:35 p.m.
Wednesday, March 12, 2003
The lecture yesterday afternoon was interesting, if a bit disappointing. Not that it was bad; it simply wasn't quite what I was expecting. The premise was sort of "How can we judge people for their attitudes (beliefs, desires, etc.) if they are not of conscious control?" I sort of assumed that that was a rhetorical question -- but no, the professor giving the lecture was actually attempting to answer it. ^_^;; So instead of having a focus more along the lines of how the lack of control we ultimately have over our attitudes means we should reevaluate our methods of moral judgment ... the lecture went the other way, by saying we can maintain our current modes of judgment by recognizing that control does not have to be a prerequisite for responsibility, and from there, the potential for moral accountability. A good idea, but not one that interests me as much, so I just sat and listened instead of saying anything.
Got my philosophy paper back today, and my TA liked it a lot. Yay! I thought I was completely out of my depth at some points ... but he seemed to take into account that I was working with a single source, incomplete as a representation of the *author's* own view, let alone an entire theory. And there are times, you know, when I think I might enjoy attempting a philosophy major -- like when I was discussing my paper with my TA. And there are times when I don't -- like when my TA tells the class about the seminar he attended on the concept of personal identity, and all the other stuff he has to do as a graduate student in the major. O.o Plus I think my interest isn't confined to philosophy; a lot of sociology courses appeal similarly to me. So I guess I'll content myself with taking occasional classes in the department; in the meantime, I've joined the campus philosophy discussion mailing list, which should be lots of fun.
Apologies to neko-chan, who informed me that the text on this layout was hard to read on her monitor ... if I darken the background it'll throw off the entire color scheme. Unless I remake all my graphics ... and frankly, I'm too lazy to do that. ^_^;; So, um, I guess you'll just have to continue to highlight to read. Or turn of the images or something. ^_^;;
*yawns* I'm highly tempted to take a nap before starting on my English paper. And yeah, it's my own dang fault I'm tired, because I stayed up watching the tape of American Idol that neechan recorded for me. XD;;
angel in my heart, awaken ... 04:59 p.m.
Monday, March 10, 2003
Ja~aaan! Tohru desu~~ Isn't she cute? *squishes* I think I'll not mention just how long it took me to code this -- most of that time was spent fiddling with my tables, because it seems I temporarily forgot how to add. XD;;
All in all, a good day. Last night at midnight Period I of registration ended, so I went to snag a spot in a poetry class, just in case I couldn't shove my way into the postmodernism class I wanted. But lo and behold, someone in that course dropped just as I went to check -- and so now I have the exact schedule I wanted in the first place, starting at 10:30 and ending at 2:30. XD (I sorta wish I'd kept my spot in the poetry class, but I'm planning to take it later anyway -- I just need to get this lit course out of the way first.) Also got my paycheck today. Briefly considered doing Yukari's payday twirly dance, but, well. XD;;
Tomorrow's a Dragon's Pen meeting, and I'm also going to a lecture by a philosophy professor in the afternoon. It's on attitudes and beliefs, and the extent to which we can/should be held morally responsible for them. Should be much fun. :D
Hmm ... this next month is going to be busy. After this week is finals, and then after that is spring break, then Les Mis, then the first week of spring quarter, then Sakura Con. o_o It's a ton of stuff, but I know pretty much how I'm going to handle it -- so it's not like I'm stressed or worried, just like I'm standing poised at the edge, waiting for it all to start.
angel in my heart, awaken ... 08:06 p.m.
Sunday, March 9, 2003
New layout will have to wait. I still need to fiddle in Photoshop, and I haven't had time to go to the computer lab. I sometimes wish we had Photoshop on this computer, but I'm half-afraid the processor would up and die if we did. ^_^;
Hmm ... apparently, Oliver Wood, and by extension Sean Biggerstaff, will not be in the Prisoner of Azkaban movie. *sadness* (Though it does raise a few questions, though. If Sean Biggerstaff isn't in the movie -- not that he just won't have any lines or anything, but that he's not going to appear *at all* -- then what does that mean for the Quidditch scenes? No Quidditch captain means no substantial game scenes ... unless, of course, we see a little CG Wood flying around in the background. ^_^; It's okay if they cut out the bit with the Quidditch Cup and Wood's obsessiveness -- though that would make me sad, because that part amused me -- but this will mean Cedric won't get his introduction. You know, the Hufflepuff victory that he wanted that he wanted invalidated? T_T)
*sigh* Anyway. I feel like I don't have much interesting about my life to report on right now. Finals are coming up, and then spring break ... Classes are fine, and work is fun. *shrug* Sakura Con is less than a month away -- but since there's so much other stuff happening in the meantime, I'm not too focused on it. Hopefully, I'll remember how excited I was back in December -- although it seems I'm never more eager for con than when its furthest away. ~_~
Not that this matters; I'll keep talking anyway. XD I have a question about debate that's been bothering me, because it seems to be coming up a lot lately -- what is it with the abuse of the concept of intention in determining the morality of an action? I think we're all clear that it's typically more blameworthy if you meant to do something than if it were an accident -- hence things like involuntary manslaughter, etc. But since when did it become acceptable to say that it's all right to do something when you're fully aware of the (theoretically immoral) consequences, as long as you don't *intend* those particular consequences?
Let me explain with some examples, because I know it doesn't make sense to me in the abstract. O.o We read an article in philosophy class by a man who was trying to differentiate between euthanasia, which is moral, and suicide, which is not. (Why he thinks suicide is not only a bad idea, but an actual moral wrong, is ... interesting. But I won't waste space going into it.) Acceptable euthanasia, he says, are all "passive" actions -- when one *refrains* from doing something in order to *let* a terminal patient die, rather than actively doing something that causes death. So you can refrain from giving lifesaving treatment, but you can't unplug someone from life support. (I don't like this idea either. But that's not relevant to my point, so moving on ...) You can, however, give a person painkillers in dosages that will kill him or her, and it'll be okay. The reasoning is this: if the only way to relieve a person's pain is to give him or her an amount of painkillers that actually causes death, then it's acceptable, because the intention is to ease the pain; death is not the *intention.*
Um, what? Ignoring the fact that the intent behind *all* euthanasia is the ending of pain, and not actually death (that's just the only way one can end the pain) ... this method of thinking says that it's okay to kill yourself (which is bad), even when you're fully aware that you are doing so, as long as you didn't really *mean* it that way. >_> A man who takes lots of painkillers in order to kill himself, and therefore end his pain, is committing suicide (i.e., being immoral). A man who takes them to end his pain -- and whoops, also causing his own death -- is good to go, with not a blot of suicidal immorality on his pristine soul.
If it happened once, I'd ignore it. But then -- oh, but then, remember the article I was writing my philosophy paper on? "Homosexuality is bad, marriage is good, sex is bad, but churning out young'uns is great!" Same concept. Sex is generally a bad thing, but it can be redeemed by procreation -- and by this we'll have to assume it's the *intent* of procreation, because pregnancy can not be ensured. So remember kids, if you're having sex, you're committing a moral wrong -- but if you're thinking "I want babies!" while you're doing the deed, then you've got nothing to worry about! (I spent 11 pages on this article. I'm a bit bitter. XD;;)
This popped up again while I was browsing the Abortion Debate. It's not as explicit an example, but the position could be manipulated to support a similarly constructed argument. Someone was trying to assert that birth control is immoral, because -- well, basically because the Church says so. (It's "unnatural" and all that -- I hate it when people try to pull such an empty argument). People pointed out that birth control pills can be used for other things than "convenience," such as regulation of menstruation cycles and reduction of PMS symptoms. So the original poster said that *that* use was okay ... but, um, they're still the same medicine. Just because one "intends" to take them as menstruation regulators doesn't mean they stop working as birth control. So a woman using the pill for this acceptably moral purpose could still rely on them to prevent pregnancy, hm?
Okay, rant over. Off to make some phone calls. ^_^
angel in my heart, awaken ... 08:25 p.m.
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