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about
sigel phoenix is an eighteen year-old fangirl residing in Washington state and attending uw. she can be visited at moenokori, her home on the web, or contacted through email. currently
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Sunday, January 26, 2003
*HUGS*
Ganbatte ne. ^_^ yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 01:18 a.m. Thursday, January 23, 2003
A little rundown of my attempts to get a job thus far:
Three weeks ago, I turned in a job application. Two weeks ago, I went to check back, and they said all the positions were full. But they sent me to the manager anyway, who told me that she'd notify me if anything opened up. Last Thursday, I got an email from the manager telling me that she might have something for me, and asking for a meeting time. She was then out from her office for nearly a week. @_@ Finally, yesterday she emailed me to set up a meeting time -- the one I was talking about having this afternoon. So ... I was all set to go this afternoon (after running questions around my brain in circles the night before, nearly driving myself crazy in the process ^_^;;). Stopped by my room, *didn't* check my phone messages -- despite my usual obsessive tendency to do so -- and got ready to leave, only I couldn't find my keys. ~_~ Was going to be late, so ran down anyway. Found out that the manager had forgotten about a meeting with her boss she had scheduled for that time. @_@;; Came back to room, checked my messages -- she *had* left one. Found my keys, on my bed (to my credit, my bedspread facilitates camouflage :P). And now, I have a reschedule for tomorrow afternoon. I really hope it works out, because all the waiting is taking a toll on my nerves. ^_^; It's not that everything's going wrong, per se; but with the disappointment-anticipation-worry-impatience tugging me in all directions at once, it has become rather trying. I do hope *someone* up there is being amused by this, because otherwise it'd be such a waste. XD;; yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 05:19 p.m. Thursday, January 23, 2003
I'm nervous. I don't know why. Well, I *do* know why -- I get nervous about everything. :P But I have no idea if the meeting today is a sort of interview, or just a 'you have the job, now here's what you need to know' thing, so I don't really *have* something specific to worry about. But that's what's probably bugging me the most -- that I don't know what's going on. I'm pretty sure I know where I'd be working, but I don't know about hours, pay, what I'm supposed to do ... And I'll know all this after the meeting, so I really shouldn't worry about it. ^_^;
I hope the hours are good, though. If they're early in the day, I don't get lunch. If they're at night, I miss Dragon's Pen meetings -- all of them, since I'm presumably working both Tuesdays and Thursdays ... and ARGH, why am I stressing myself over this?? XO Um, here's an amusing bit, instead of my paranoid anxieties: the campus newspaper ran a review of 25th Hour today, in which we were told that the movie was about a man who was arrested for selling "heroine." They said this twice. O.o Mayhap if this job doesn't work out, I should become a copy editor at the paper ... yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 12:01 p.m. Wednesday, January 22, 2003
SAKAMOTO MAAYA IS GOING TO BE IN THE NEW JAPANESE PRODUCTION OF LES MISERABLES. O_O And she's going to be playing Eponine! As if I didn't have enough reason to worship her already --! XO
I would kill to hear a recording of this. >_< If they have one ... and if she's in it. There's three other women playing the part; I don't know if they'll be touring different areas of the country or what -- all the roles seem to have three or four people playing them. There's a picture of her here -- she's second from the left, in the third photo from the top. The Valjeans look kind of scary; but then again, I didn't like the guy from the official Japanese cast, either. All the Javerts are rather ... young. o.o And one of the Fantines has her hair dyed red. ^_^; (Wonder if there's anyone else I'd recognize in that cast? Names are hard to recognize, when you don't have the context that ensures they're all seiyuu or whatnot. I wouldn't have seen Maaya's name, had I not been looking for it. ^_^;) Finally heard from the lady about my job. I think it's almost certain now. *crosses fingers* Also, our mouse has died again. Stupid, stupid mouse. >_< yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 10:26 p.m. Tuesday, January 21, 2003
Three-day weekends are good. XD Even/especially if you don't *do* anything in particular, because it's nice to sit around and be lazy on a Monday. And then I got an extra treat, via the Great Bean Adventure. ^o^
Then I had to go home and face my un-started, half-planned Moll Flanders paper. Which was less than a thousand words, but took me several hours. >_< But the first paper of the course is always the hardest, so things can hopefully only go up from here. I agree. Not much else to say, really. And I'm glad you said it all, because I didn't retain too much from that conversation except for the idea of Guu being a Mary Sue in an LoTR fic. XD;; It was late, I was tired, and hell -- it would work! Really! ("Did she just EAT the One Ring!?" XD;;) It's not a surprise that we agree, anyway, considering we were weaned on the same Mary Sue fics from YuuHaku fandom, and all their accompanying horrors. *pauses to shudder in memory* Though I might add for clarity, about the canon thing -- what usually happens in books to save potentially MS-type characters is how they figure into the story. Sure, they're the focus, but in the end their still just one aspect of the overall plot. There's that intangible sense of them *fitting* in it, as opposed to the typical MS behavior of barging in and single-handedly saving, or utterly destroying, the canon world. Good characters, even devastatingly powerful or irresistably attractive ones, are those that operate with the world and the other people in it. They start from scratch with everyone else -- unlike Mary Sues who typically jump in with foreknowledge of the course of events in the series, or enhanced understanding of a character's personality, or power at a greater level of development than everyone else, and use it to their advantage. Which is usually just -- illogical, when you think about it. It's not so much about the flaws characters should have, I think, as the fact that their *strengths* should not completely overwhelm everyone else, in all ways, in all areas. Does that make sense? I bet it doesn't. ^_^;; But, well -- it's all about the context. That's what I say. (And I ended up saying a lot, anyway. -_-;;) Though I think there will always be someone out there who considers a character a Mary Sue (or, in the case of a canon character, at least annoyingly idealized). Especially with the Mary Sue Report being a community with however many hundreds of members. And then it all depends on your definition of "Mary Sue," and whether you hold a distinction between self-insert and MS, or MS and just plain annoying ... Maa. O.o Oh, and I might have a job. But I might not. It's hard to tell when the lady I need to talk to disappears from her office for the entire weekend. @_@ yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 03:25 p.m. Sunday, January 19, 2003
*yaaaawwwwwnn* Why am I so sleepy~~? I need to do work~~~ _o_
yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 04:22 p.m. Saturday, January 18, 2003
........
>.> <.< PIPPIN PIPPIN PIPPIN PIPPIN PIIIIIPPPIIIIIINNN~~~~ ........ Yeah, that was fun. XD yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 02:01 a.m. Saturday, January 18, 2003
A random thought occurred to me today. Okay, so maybe it wasn't exactly *random*, because the issues behind it have been stewing in my brain for a while -- but the solution itself arrived rather randomly. I realize now why I'm not terribly keen on philosophy, even though I so love ethical considerations and challenges and stuff like that. It's because, in a sense, philosophy -- or at least moral philosophy -- exists in a vacuum. The concern is with providing definitive ethical guidelines; or, in the case of relativism, a definitive outline on how decisions are to be made (moral choice X is the sum of cultural influences A and B). I don't mean this disparagingly; I don't think there's anything *wrong* with this type of study. It's very similiar to what I'm so passionately interested in, but it's just not *quite* the same.
What I like best is wrestling with real-life or hypothetical situations, and I see that that's not something that will be focused on in my philosophy class. For example, my TA proposed this dilemma during our discussion of what he called consequentialism versus deontology (basically, whether the results of actions or the principles behind them are more important in making moral decisions): Would you steal from a rich person to feed starving people? On the one hand, you create a 'net profit' of increased happiness, by feeding people who would otherwise starve, while merely inconveniencing the rich person. On the other hand, your integrity is compromised. I suggested that there were other factors to be considered, such as if the rich person had a family to support, or how hard he had worked for his money (if he himself had been one of the starving people before), etc. My TA acknowledged those were viable concerns, but said that we weren't considering them. Pretend we have a direct line to God, he said, or some other form of perfect knowledge, so that we would know that the theft would *only* have this positive effect and that other things were irrelevant -- basically, only focus on the dilemma at the core. It was a hypothetical moral question, but not a hypothetical *situation*, with other issues and circumstances to be included in the deliberation (which is what I'm primarily interested in). All that kind of messing around with 'How about?' this and 'What if?' that is what I like to do. I think it's a vital part of moral considerations. I even hesitate, in fact, to state even basic moral absolutes for myself. Because I can always think of a scenario in which this 'immoral' action may be justified, or a potential argument that would invalidate a certain view I hold. I used to think of myself as a moral relativist, but I think I'll have to reconsider that, because my philosophy professor provided a different definition: ethical relativism is the view that morals are determined by culture and/or context, and that there is no objective morality. On the surface, I would've said I agreed with that, but now I realize that my view is this: moral decisions are constantly affected and even determined by context, and we should acknowledge that; but that is not to say that there are no (very basic) moral guidelines. We can still 'judge' the actions of other individuals/cultures/historical periods; we just have to be very careful, and realize that we do so from the vantage point of a morality that is equally skewed by our experiences. A conclusion that had been forming for a long time, but was mostly solidified by my CHID class. All this sounds really contradictory, doesn't it? I like philosophy, I don't. Morality is relative, it's not. :P I don't know, it's late; someone please tell me if I sound pompous or judgmental. Oh, and I know I shouldn't, but I'm adding a link to the LJ community dedicated to sniffing out Mary Sues. What can I say, masochistic tendencies die hard. XD;; yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 01:36 a.m. Wednesday, January 15, 2003
Anou ... your explanation makes a rather lot of sense. In a blunt way. ^_^; (And thanks for linking me in the sentence "I like meat." I've never had that happen to me before. XD)
And from Tin, we have bad Fellowship of the Ring captions. *Really* bad, in some cases -- like when Gandalf's last words become "Frodo you fool." O.o;;; I think these are my favorite, though I do also like Aragorn's warning that "the hill will swamp over with ox." I always *knew* there was a reason he was my hero! *swoons* And, from Vinita, the official release date of Order of the Phoenix! XD XD XD Apparently it'll be about 1000 pages, in the American edition. O.O Lessee, now I have to wait until June 21st ... and then until everyone *else* gets their copy so I won't have to fight off little kids at the bookstore. XD;; ... And the new Fandom Wank successor, the personal LJ of FW's creator, and Ideology Wank have all been suspended. This is getting a tad ridiculous, here. *rolls eyes* yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 10:35 p.m. Tuesday, January 14, 2003
But ... but I don't *have* big blue eyes and a pouty lower lip! I was an innocent bystander, I tell ya ...! T_T
But -- this means I have the entire Fellowship after me, doesn't it? *waggles eyebrows* Go me! Oh, and in case anyone was wondering when it would be back, here it is. Link changed accordingly. yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 11:42 p.m. Tuesday, January 14, 2003
Not entirely happy with how my philosophy course is going. Not in terms of grading or anything -- we haven't even had any assignments to be graded -- but the general tone of the teaching. And yeah, I know I'm comparing it to my CHID class last quarter (being something of a parallel course) but -- I *liked* that class. A lot. And the professor of that course had a way of teaching that made it seem like he didn't have all the answers preconceived before we even asked questions; he had an impressive scope of knowledge and depth of thought, but it still seemed like he was learning along with the class. Not that he was discovering the material along with us, or that he didn't know any more than us ... just that he was still learning. My philosophy professor doesn't do that. I don't think he's overbearing or condescending or anything like that, just that there isn't that same quality of fluidity in his teaching. But this is a purely personal preference of mine, not any kind of objective standard that all teachers should adhere to. So I'm pointing this out strictly as opinion, not as a complaint with an aim of alteration; when I said "not entirely happy," I meant just that.
Anyway, my point. Our current unit is on views of nature, specifically whether they should be human-centric or inclusive of animals, plants, and/or entire ecosystems. One of the dominant issues, of course, is consumption of animals for meat. The professor considers it unjustifiable, and the class leans pretty solidly in that direction (hence my above comment). But, touchy-feely liberal that I am, I can't bring myself to agree to that. Someone brought up the question of how to reconcile the view of our own meat consumption (as a bad thing) with the behavior of predatory animals. They do it, why can't we? The general answer was, as humans have greater moral capacity, we have the ability to think of eating animals as immoral, and therefore have the obligation to acknowledge that thought and act accordingly. We can get nutrients from other foods, and therefore should do so. That *does* work as an answer for why people shouldn't eat meat, in my opinion. But then -- what *do* we do about predatory animals? Since they lack the moral capacity we have, do we leave them to indulge in their vice? (I understand the theological argument that ignorance mitigates punishment, and I agree with it. But that doesn't make the sin any less of a sin.) After all, children and the mentally handicapped have incomplete understanding of human morals, yet we still prevent them from doing things that we, as fully cognizant human beings, understand to be immoral. So if we were truly to obey the belief that eating meat is wrong, shouldn't we then do our best to make other animals obey it, as well? Yes, I am suggesting putting cats and wolves and sharks on vegetarian diets, or at least to the point that we can feasibly achieve this -- if you were to adhere to the previously outlined argument, that is. I guess the underlying question is whether our concern for other animals is coming from a respect for nature, or some greater moral end that is separate from humans and animals both. If it's the latter, then, okay, neither humans nor animals have achieved this, but we have the ability to conceive it, and therefore should attempt it. We should then also feed sharks flax seed instead of fish. If it's the former, then ... what? We respect the 'natural' state of the world, but attempt to be something 'better'? We treat animals well because we *respect* them, but then turn around and say that they behave immorally and we should do differently? Wouldn't true respect for nature entail allowing nature to take its regular course, and humans to pursue their natural omnivorous tendencies? Otherwise it's just being patronizing toward nature, and nothing more than a different way of elevating humans above the rest of the world. I've heard a lot of arguments for vegetarianism as a moral duty -- many of them from this class -- but they just don't square with me. (One of the ones that does sway me is the cruel treatment of animals raised for food; I do wish I knew how to change that. If it weren't for that aspect of meat consumption, I would eat meat without any qualms. As it is, I eat meat anyway. I realize there's a strong whiff of hypocrisy in that.) I suppose I would get an answer or rebuttal or just some kind of response if I said this in class, but ... look how long it took me to write it. ^_^;; This would require a lot of talking on my part, and I think we've determined that I'm just a big weenie. ~_~ Now, off to do work so I can be free for the Dragon's Pen meeting tonight ... yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 03:29 p.m. Tuesday, January 14, 2003
Okay, I was all ready to slap up a set of debate recs to show what I was doing last night instead of my philosophy reading. Many of those recs were from Fandom Wank. And now, Fandom Wank is gone.
The hell. Now where am I going to go to be entertained? :P (Funny how it happened, though. Apparently someone reported them to LiveJournal for being a TOS violation and some admin with an itchy trigger-finger considered it one of the Important Issues to be immediately dealt with. And when you take a look at all the other shiznat on LJ that they never deal with? It would have made a perfect FW post, this; the irony is choking.) Admittedly, the ratio of personal-venom-to-cheerful-mockery in there was a little high towards the end; hopefully that can be dealt with and FW brought back for good. In the mean time, I'm keeping my link to it up, to hold the space. XD yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 12:24 p.m. Sunday, January 12, 2003
So, in the middle of reading my English assignment, I get hungry (Moll Flanders will do that to you) and go next door to get some fries. (I guess I should have realized that this is a bad karmic decision.) Upon returning to my room, I discover that my ID card is not in my pocket. So I check my other pockets, the counter, the floor, etc. It is not, apparently, anywhere in my room, and is therefore elsewhere -- on the (currently dark and rainy) path to the dorm next door, or perhaps on the floor of the elevator, somewhere in transit between the eight floors of my building. I begin to feel a little panicked -- that card is all you need to get to my account money, and I have thus dropped access to several hundred dollars, for anyone to pick up. >_> And losing things really pisses me off anyway, moreso than damaging or breaking things -- because I know what I need is still there, still accessible and usable; I just lack the knowledge of where the flippin' heck it is. XO
But I don't want to give up the possibility that it's still in my room somewhere, so I start moving things around and searching. Upon which I pick up the little container of ketchup and realize it has a *very* slippery lid. So -- ketchup on my desk and on my pants, but at least I kept it off my sweater -- oops. ~_~ Pouring water onto a napkin for cleaning purposes, I manage to douse my English notebook. No matter; I dab and charge bravely on ... then tip over a full cup of water all over my desk. By this point I want to cry. ^_^;; But, nonetheless, I wipe, I scrub, I change clothes, and then run out to hunt down my ID card -- finding it lying innocently on the floor right outside the door to my hallway. I am currently extracting full enjoyment out of my fries. (I was originally going to write an entry on moral relativism today, because we talked about it in philosophy on Friday ... but see, while that may be a major theory on truth, this is about me. Me me me me. XD) yuki no you ni ~ sunao na ~ 05:43 p.m. Friday, January 10, 2003
Why I love Fandom Wank. XD Not because of their brilliantly witty commentary! (though admittedly they're pretty dang funny at times) or their role as edgy commentators on fandom society! Nope ... They point and laugh at people. We need that sometimes, that's all.
(And I certainly don't think there's a way of, or reason for, writing fic which all of us Authors Who Are With It should share. *I* write because I want to. I post because I want to share, and hopefully generate discussion so I can improve. Regardless, reading is not required, and neither is feedback -- it's a courtesy. Responding to feedback is certainly not required -- it being another *courtesy* -- but since politeness generally operates on the principle that by giving some, you can reasonably 'expect' some back, it typically follows that you do it anyway. You don't have to evaluate it on any sort of literary scale, because compliments and constructive criticism are just people being nice. So be nice back. But getting all wonky and demanding about any of it just sort of screws with the system. >_>) Not blindly worshipping anyone here, though. Not the Fandom Wankers, not any fanfic authors who are cool and independent/hermitic/stylishly detached enough to not publicly demand feedback. Because in a year or so, when we've departed from these fandoms, or maybe fandom in general, or are just distanced enough to see how seriously we've taken ourselves, we're going to feel pretty durn silly. I rather agree with what Tin said, way back when, about fandom popularity being transient and ultimately a little absurd (not blindly worshipping Tin, either). Spend enough time in a group, and it's really easy to take it seriously and get caught up in it -- like a gradually tightening spiral of awareness, in which you are increasingly isolated and your sense of self-importance becomes proportionally heightened. The excitement and pride and touch of pretentiousness that permeates all fandoms can make it tempting to tip up our chins and believe ourselves Socially Established and Pretty Darn Cool ... but all you need to do is take a step back and look around to be able to say, "This is fun. But I'm being dumb." Even in huge fandoms with massive and awe-inspiring hierarchies. Even in hip alternative groups like Fandom Wank. I mean, I'm not a Smallville fan, but I am, at least, a person who reads slash fanfic online -- a small enough percentage of the population already -- and I've never heard of this stupendously famous and talented author who wrote the original post. I mean, really. Imagine what normal people would think of her lofty attitude. :P But I do love how 'fandom chic' is characterized by periodic online laments over how *much* feedback you have and how *hard* it is to drag yourself away from your writing to respond to it all -- when doing so in real life would garner you strange looks and perhaps pity that emails from strangers about a story about a TV show consume so much of your attention. (And, if those real life people took a look at the FW thread, they'd wonder why there's such a big fuss over whether or not to reply to these emails from strangers about stories about TV shows.) Not saying it's a bad thing, not at all -- Fandom Self-Importance *is* silly, but it's fun. As long as no one's being mean about it, it's really harmless, and a bit irresistable. (So is mocking it. XD) And I'm considering making a blog post in honor of the one piece of feedback I receive every two or three months, so I can agonize and generally leak pathos over how I could ever possibly manage to reply to my fan legion of one. XD;; Really, why should only the popular fic authors get to have all the fun? <--being openly facetious and stupidly obvious here I meant to give an update on my life during the past week, but this happened first. Besides, my life isn't that interesting. ^_^; Actually, the past few days *were,* and it feels rather quiet in the room now ... T_T Classes have been decent; I'll probably talk about them more later.
It's a date. We went to that place a couple of nights ago, but I didn't get anything then so now I wanna go again. :D
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