Also finished The Sparrow this afternoon. o_o God. (I'm intensely aware of the irony of saying that.) I still really recommend the book, and now I want to read the sequel. I want to be more coherent, especially since I have to write a response paper for Thursday. I've hardly figured out the nature of God myself, but ... I don't know if I agree with the author's beliefs. I don't know if I agree with any of the characters in the book. But there are a lot of theological chewtoys in there to gnaw on.

In a sort of related vein, my CHID professor has been talking about myth and identity lately, and how they relate to Truth. He discussed the power of myths, and how the ones that resonate most powerfully with a group or individual are the ones that provide some sort of meaning or purpose to life, and therefore reflect a person's own hopes concerning their identity. Myths, of course, can be real or fabricated, or begin as truth but become rendered fictional by being built upon through time. So ... these powerful sources of meaning *can* be true, but it's not a requirement. But they still have the capacity to affect people. This can be troublesome, because it means we're being guided by things that may not have truth in them -- which we turn into our Truths -- but does that make them any less reliable? Or at least, significant? Don't we say things 'ring true' to us -- meaning, we base our evaluation of truth on our *own* response to it? It's how people operate. Perhaps the most important aspect of studying and understanding truth, at least in its social capacity, is not whether it has objective or factual correctness, but how much it resonates as 'true' to an individual person.

But if that's the case, how do people decide what religion they believe in? Besides social context and family influence, I mean. In its simplest form, belief is based on what we decide comes closest to a good approximation of God's will, yes? And I don't mean that in a disparaging way. But it's all dependent on our response to it, what we *feel* is right. It would have to have some connection to the deeply felt hopes we individually hold about the purpose of human existence. Maybe we could all hope to achieve an actual divine revelation that shows us what Truth us, but ... how do we even know if it happens, if the tools we use for judging such an experience come from our own human (i.e., not divine) capacity? Ugh, it probably makes perfect sense to other people, but that's something I've never gotten.

I'm thinking many thoughts today. @_@ It's rather confusing. Someone give me something to do, because I'm bored and that makes me think. XD;; (Next I'll ponder the question, "Is our existence really that noisy?" XD XD XD)

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//06:22 p.m.

Tuesday, December 3, 2002

I used to be able to complain that it was too early for radio stations to be playing Christmas music 24/7 (seeing as they started a week before Thanksgiving ¬_¬). But now it really is December, and it's Mommy dearest's birthday (a fact of which I was unaware until last weekend >_<), which means closer to my own birthday, which means almost Christmas. And people are talking about Christmas shopping, and one of my neighbors has "22 days until Christmas" written on her board ... XO

I do like Christmas. I want to get to winter break, and I want to get to my birthday (so I will no longer have to suffer the trials of being a minor in college :P), but everything seems like it's going too dang fast. I don't even want to touch my Christmas list. Well, I haven't even *made* my Christmas list. ^_^;; I hate to flatten the holiday into yet another instance of commercialization -- it's not that I think of presents as a social obligation or something; I really do want to give things to people. And it's (comparatively) easy to think of what to get ... the only problem is the actual *getting*, which requires money. O.o (Well, that, and I don't think I'll actually be able to acquire a chibi-Haruto for neko-chan. XD)

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//12:14 p.m.

Monday, December 2, 2002

As I expected, I didn't have to finish "Astrophil and Stella" for class today. -_-;; Of course, that means I don't have more to read now, which is a good thing. I really liked it, too. Sidney definitely trumps Petrarch in my mind -- at least, in terms of variety. (You know, like saying more than "I sigh," "I sigh," and, oh yes, "I sigh again." ^_~) I don't know about the actual style, though, because the translations we got of Petrarch were unrhymed, unmetered, and eleven lines long. >_> For Sidney, though, we had to 'translate' his syntax, especially since much of the class had apparently not done any close reading of sonnets before. It was a nice feeling, to know what I was talking about. ^_^; So much of the time I feel like discussion is going over my head, or at least not in the direction my thinking goes.

CHID, on the other hand ... @_@ But I'll think about that later.

Heh. Bean's pita is up! :D

Feeling so lazy today ... ~_~ I've got to have something productive to do~~ But my Japanese oral test isn't till Friday, and my first written final is a week after that, so I'm not very motivated. ^_^;;

And I need to stop buying books. It's too tempting, to have all these neat little used bookstores around. I'm not going to have room on my shelves anymore ...

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//04:39 p.m.

Sunday, December 1, 2002

Kyaa. Home. Have lotsa catching up to do. ^_^; The weekend flew by; I did enjoy it, though, and look forward to winter break, despite all the craziness that lies between now and then. It was so easy to click back into place at home (mostly -- it was half summer-of-senior-year and half summer-after-ninth-grade because neko-chan was with me XD), so it was that much more startling when it was Sunday morning and time to go. But I won't waste more blogspace reminiscing; I'm sure people are full enough with their own memories as it is. But I will say that it's extremely weird to be *home* and thinking "No, I don't have that with me, because I didn't pack it." o_o

Finals start next week. Time to go insane. XD;;

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//11:32 p.m.

Thursday, November 28, 2002

*hyuuuuuuu*

I like being alone, but I like it best when I know other people are very close by. Like the one or two people in my hall who are staying, at least tonight, if not for the entire break. And having neechan home in a couple hours ... Otherwise it's just creepy, knowing I'm the only one (or at least the only one moving around and making noise) in this huge building with the hospital-like halls and clunky elevators. o.o

Anyhoo! Progress on my English homework has once again resumed, now that I've found a rather pertinent piece of information concerning Sir Philip Sydney and his less-than-successful love life. (I'm reading the entire "Astrophil and Stella" sequence in a weekend. Somehow, I don't think I'll be doing anywhere near justice to the work. >_<) That, and reading The Sparrow is all I have to do ... shouldn't distract too much from my socializing time. :D

Huh. It's Thursday. Happy Thanksgiving, for all the U.S. folk out there. XD

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//12:15 a.m.

Wednesday, November 27, 2002

I'm feeling ... strangely sentimental. ^_^; I was just thinking about going home last night, and realized that I hadn't been there for almost nine weeks. It's been ages since I woke up to the alarm clock in my own bed; I can't even remember exactly what I used to do before I went to sleep every night, since it doesn't involve closing the window so we won't freeze in the morning (I never kept my window open at home) or talking to the roomie or all that. But still I remember first period, and dreading what strange and obscure plans our teacher had for us ... I remember the lunch table, which usually had little 'lunch' but lots of entertaining conversations ... and I remember all of us going up to fifth period, to see what our teacher had in store for us there (but in a good way) and usually not doing anything productive for the hour.

But then I'm also a bit sad that my first quarter in college is ending. ^_^; For the most part, I really like my courses; I also like my Japanese section a lot. I was thinking last night -- admittedly, rather inanely -- how can it be like AP again if all our classes keep changing?? XD;; I also finished a book last night, which is never a good thing when I'm like this. Endings always make me wistful and vaguely depressed, especially when the story follows a large chunk of the characters' lives -- finishing the damn Coldfire trilogy left me in a stupor for the next day. XD;; I'll be finishing The Sparrow sometime next week, too, which I know will be a real kick in the pants, both because I love the book and because I know it's going to have a CRAPPY ending. >_< (Yes, I'm too involved in fictional stories. No, I do not care. XP)

Swirl in a dash of restless excitement, and there's my current mood. o.O I'm eager to go home, and giddily awaiting seeing all the people there; I also hate endings and wish some things didn't have to change ... okay, shutting up and getting ready for class now.

(Except, 'empty bucket'? o.o It could go either way, as I could see the logic in both ... but 'empty orchestra' is a bit more optimistic, in terms of the singers' ability. ^_^;;)

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//10:37 a.m.

Tuesday, November 26, 2002

I got into Japanese section, and my schedule for next quarter is now complete. _o_ Not exactly the schedule I wanted, but it's still good. No more sleeping in on Fridays, though. T_T Now everything would be perfect, if only the teacher for my next English class did not feel the need to specify certain editions for our books. I mean, I can understand the need to call for this or that translation, for foreign language works; but these are all *English* novels. So now I'll have to buy new copies of a couple books I already have, just so I can read a special introduction or something. >_< (And the theme of the course is individuality and identity in 18th/19th century British literature -- so we read A Tale of Two Cities but not Jane Eyre? O.o)

My Japanese professor (who is very amusing, all around XD) likes to put sound effects in the illustrations he uses in his Powerpoint presentations. Like mugu mugu and gatsu gatsu for eating. XD Today he had a picture of a bunch of schoolchildren yelling "Wai~!" Only since he has a cold, when he explained it he sounded like Guu. "This is the onomatopoeia for joy in Japanese. Waiii. ~_~" XD;; Also, he told us a little bit about karaoke, like how kara means 'empty' and oke is from 'orchestra,' which I'd never heard before -- I was wondering why it was written in katakana. He also thinks it's one of the worst inventions of Japanese culture. ^_^;;

I'm in an inexplicably good mood. Might be because there's only two more days before I go home, but I don't know. Still, I'm not complaining. :D

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//11:03 a.m.

Monday, November 25, 2002

So this morning, I woke up at about 8:00, figured I had half an hour or so more to sleep, and decided to doze until the alarm went off. Which it did, at which point I went to turn it off and noticed it said 9:30. My first class starts at 9:30. @_@ I had changed the setting on the alarm clock over the weekend when I needed to get up to meet neko-chan and forgot to change it back. >_< So I got to class about a half hour late ... I suppose everyone has to do something like that at least once during college, right? XD;; At least I didn't have an exam or anything.

It's far too sunny for it to be this cold. O.o Though I must say I prefer it to be freezing and bright as opposed to overcast ...

Two more days! Two more days of class and I! Will! Be! Home~~! :D

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//02:41 p.m.

Sunday, November 24, 2002

I want it to be Thanksgiving break already. T_T Only two and a half more days of class ... Shikkari. Shikkari. Shikkari. o.o

T_____________T I don't want AzuDai to end~~~ But I can't stop watching because it's so. Damn. CUTE. *_* We watched 22-24 last night (this morning? O.o) and ... I think my brain BROKE at how friggin' adorable Osaka was. (You were right. It *is* the bread-eating race. XD) And then there's Yukari-sensei's participation in the relay race -- I'm not sure which was funnier, seeing what she did or watching neechan die laughing because of it. XD;; But Sasaki-san! She's such an awesome older sister-type to Chiyo, it made me want to cry. XO If we ever did an AzuDai cosplay, I'd love to dress as her ... though it'd probably be better if I was Yomi, for the glasses. (Then again, I don't even know if that would work, because I'm in "Chiyo-chan's group." XD;;)

Okay, okay, I should get back to work. I just wanted to sparkle for a little bit -- but we can do that more over break. XD "Yaruki, dero! Yaruki, dero!"

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//04:33 p.m.

Friday, November 22, 2002

Rule Number One about dormitory elevator etiquette: you are not to take the elevator from the ground level to the third floor, unless you are carrying something heavy or large and unwieldy. Exceptions are made in the case of disabling injury. But under no conditions are physically able people carrying nothing more than a sandwich to take the elevator, especially with book-bearing upper-floor residents where they can see you. Upon pain of having the Yukari Glare (tm) levelled at your back as you exit the elevator. Or, if I'm in a particularly bad mood, the Guu Look of Death (tm) and the threat of Pokute's Revenge (tm).

Thank you.

In other news, I broke my chopsticks perfectly for my lunch -- the cheap kind, too, that *never* breaks evenly. :D I'm tempted to bring them to the showing and display them. "Ne ne ... eheh." XD

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//01:51 p.m.

Thursday, November 21, 2002

Watching Will & Grace. Taking quizzes. Being mindless. :D

Anime Quiz - Which Evil Anime Badass Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

Now wasn't that profound? XD;;

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//09:26 p.m.

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

How seme are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Just because I liked the description, and the fact that a 20% result gets you Tsuzuki. Poor weepy uke-uke boy. XD

And now for something completely different. ^_^;; Last night I was reading one of my books for class, The Sparrow (which I would highly recommend, by the way), and came across this passage. There's a lot of great dialogue in the book between priests and agnostics and people in between, but this one really stood out. ("Anne," by the way, is one of the agnostics. The person talking is a priest.)

"The Jewish sages tell us that the whole of the Torah, the entirety of the first five books of the Bible, is the name of God. With such a name, they ask, how much more is God? The Fathers of the Church tell us that God is Mystery and unknowable. God Himself, in Scripture, tells us, 'My ways are not your ways and My thoughts are not your thoughts.' ... It is the human condition to ask questions like Anne's last night and to receive no plain answers. Perhaps this is because we can't understand the answers, because we are incapable of knowing God's ways and God's thoughts. We are, after all, only very clever tailless primates, doing the best we can, but limited. Perhaps we must all own up to being agnostic, unable to know the unknowable ... The Jewish sages also tell us that God dances when His children defeat Him in argument, when they stand on their feet and use their minds. So questions like Anne's are worth asking. To ask them is a very fine kind of human behavior. If we keep demanding that God yield up His answers, perhaps some day we will understand them. And then we will be something more than clever apes, and we shall dance with God."

That seems like a long passage, but I left out the narration, and I couldn't cut any of the dialogue ... I don't know if it even has the same significance if you don't know the rest of the story, but it's still understandable. I just wanted to share it because it really struck me. (And then I had to go to sleep. ^_^;;)

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//04:17 p.m.

Wednesday, November 20, 2002

Managed to get into a different section, so as it stands, my winter schedule ends at 3:20. But I'm having a sudden crisis of confidence or something, because I'm not sure I can do the course I wanted so much to take. Yes, it's a 100 level class; I just ... wonder if I even have the mental capacity for that kind of thinking. Probably because I haven't been feeling as if I were keeping up this past week during lectures and stuff (been inexplicably sleepy all day, only to be wide awake at night ...). Oh, it'll probably change by next week, once I get my brain in working order again. At least, that's been my experience -- I might feel like I *absolutely* cannot do this one day, and by the next I won't even be able to identify where that feeling came from.

Though I do have some idea what's bringing this about. >_< Getting my English paper back today was kind of a kick in the teeth. Once again, he didn't really like it. Now, I know I deserved it for the first one -- it wasn't something I would have confidently turned in to my senior English teacher -- and he was even nice about it. Both times. But when you think you've got it right, and you're expecting at least *some* kind of approval, a nice rejection can be even worse, you know? I only have two more papers in this class, and I really wish I could make both of them *good* -- but having only written two papers, I can't really tell what he wants. I mean, I did well in AP -- and of course we were learning how to write 30-minute essays that were more about efficiency than style, but the principles of literary analysis were still there. So I tried just writing with the same idea, in a more polished style, and went from there. And I felt like I'd improved since the first one, that I'd learned something -- and I guess that's what matters, right? Though of course there's the grade thing. I'm sure I'll at least pass, and I only need a 2.0 average to apply for an English major; but of course I want to do better. I want to be confident of getting into the department. (I also want to be confident of keeping my scholarships, argh.) And yeah, I know one class in my first quarter shouldn't be indicative of the rest of college -- there are different classes, different instructors, etc. But I'm doing well in other classes, and I feel like I should be doing the same in English.

Okay. Big sigh. That's all I'm going to say about that, and now I have to get over it. Or at least move on to other things until I do. "Hai, ganbaru ..."

And speaking of Osaka, the Axis of Fangirlism is now complete. Go forth, and be disturbed. (We're a bunch of sick puppies, you know that? XD;;) And of course, if you want a slightly more normal AzuDai layout, Eric has Sakaki-san up. (She's so cool. :D)

All right, that's it. Day didn't start off great but it can get better. And the weather's so unusually nice today, I shouldn't waste it. ^_^

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//03:14 p.m.

Tuesday, November 19, 2002

I don't think I like being a freshman during registration time. It's no fun to see "closed" on all the sections you want to take. >_< I shouldn't complain, though; I might still possibly get all the courses I want, just arranged in a completely different schedule. Question is, though: do I still want to be in class at 4:30, especially during winter quarter? XP

But after this, I only have to register one more time as a freshman, and then I get to move up a bit in the hierarchy ... I do wonder, though, why the upperclassmen have seen the need to fill all the 100-level courses. Then the freshmen can't get their prerequisites, and then when *they* are upperclassmen, end up taking the same spots from the next set of freshmen. *poutpoutpout* *whinewhinewhine* XD;; Ah, I'm probably upset just because I had such a good schedule this quarter; I loved my classes, my time schedule, and how fortuitously my English and CHID courses tied in together. And I *want* to take my philosophy course to 'replace' CHID, even if I don't need it to graduate. *snuggles philosophy course*

.......

.................

Did I just manage to register early? I think I did. O_O

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//11:58 a.m.

Monday, November 18, 2002

Am doing everything I possibly can to avoid writing my English paper. Which is sad, really, because it's not even that hard -- I *know* what I'm going to write about, and I only have to write two pages of it; I'm just immensely lazy. >_> It doesn't help that my teacher moved the due date back, so I could conceivably put it off ... but I'm perfectly capable of getting it done and out of the way tonight. (Right? n.n)

Just burned the roof of my mouth with my tea. Owwwwwww. >_< Okay, I really should be doing something more productive with my time ...

gomen ne//anata wa mou toriko//05:30 p.m.