I finished When True Night Falls. *tori-chan shrieeeeeeeks 'TARRANT!!' and charges off for the next volume*

New layout is coming up when I get back, theoretically. The images are all sliced and ready but I have yet to do the code. :p

Give me some time later to rant about the new FF.Net policy on adult fics, provided they don't reverse it by the time I get back (which I don't think they will). Not because of a 'personal' interest -- heck, I don't even have my fics on the site, let alone something that would be affected -- but because I'm freaking tired of having public online forums pander to children. Not even children -- the nebulous masses of naivete and impressionability some people seem to insist on viewing children as. So what, pray tell, merits an NC-17 rating on FF.Net, or, at least, the 'controversial' material they cited? Sex? Dark themes? Homosexual content? What about violence? (Severed body parts and fountains of blood are generally blinked at, while a drop of sensuality will have the censors screaming ...) And besides, how will this be enforced? Rating is a voluntary action; people could view different material as acceptable, or even sneak something on that they know is covered in the ban. If they don't think we're mature enough to not read adult material if we can't/don't want to, how then are we given the responsibility of enforcing the ban?

Ech. I know the reasons behind this move, and I can understand it in a way ... but it's such a copout in the face of a few screeching complainers. If they're really that concerned about the fragile minds of youth, why not create a separate, password-access section of the site? That's what was done with an ML I'm on -- adult fics on a separate list (with Yahoo age verification or something), but connected enough that people didn't have to desert one completely. FF.Net has never had content screening -- for better or worse -_-;; -- and that means accepting the crappy writing, the flat humor, the tasteless content. There are bans on certain types of entries, and ways to report abuse. But no widespread bans. Yeah, there are idiots who will try to abuse the system, but why cater to the lowest common denominator?

Eh, looks like I did rant after all. Feeling belligerent, I guess. Gomen, gomen. ^_^;; See y'all in a few days!

one(Floatingly)arrive: (10:13 a.m.)Friday, September 13, 2002

In honor of Patriot Day, I wrote a poem. Once again, hardly adequate to express everything I felt then, or am feeling now; but it's what I felt needed to be *said* most, if that clarifies my intent. I suppose -- hell, I know there are people who would disagree vehemently with my sentiments, but a year has passed and they haven't changed. I can't change them voluntarily, and I really wouldn't -- but I do wish that I could meet face to face with a person whose beliefs are antithetical to mine -- any of them -- hear what they have to say, and have them listen to me. But, unfortunately I think that's an unattainable luxury for right now.

I mentioned that I feel the same as I did a year ago. I do -- I reread the file I made of my blog entries about terrorism, war, civil liberties, and patriotism. My feelings haven't changed, though the circumstances have. My fears have eased -- the specter of Glorious Patriotism and Secrecy In The Name Of Security seems to have eased; though no doubt we'll eventually find out about some injustices that have slipped past our notice. No doubt we'll also discover some disasters prevented, close calls and such -- history seems to have such a clear (and trenchant) perspective on our actions, but it's hard to judge it when it's still being made.

And that's probably what I find most frustrating -- feeling so futile when it comes to finding answers. Because in a way, it's all I have to do. There's still that sense of not having a 'right' to grieve; sympathy is something naturally evoked by the day, but what right do I have to feeling sad when I haven't lost someone, and those who did have been reminded of the fact every day for a year, instead of just on this anniversary? I realize it's an irrational feeling, but still -- it's been a year, and everyone's been talking about healing and getting the country moving again and helping the economy recover, and what have I done? I have nothing to show for it ... but of course, the world doesn't wait on my judgment. Which is not to say I don't have any stubborn opinions at the moment. ^_^; And when it comes to religion, I think Hafiz got it right centuries ago, and we just haven't been listening. XP

I
Have
Learned
So much from God
That I can no longer
Call
Myself

A Christian, a Hindu, a Muslim,
A Buddhist, a Jew.

The Truth has shared so much of Itself
With me

That I can no longer call myself
A man, a woman, an angel,
Or even pure
Soul.

Love has
Befriended Hafiz so completely
It has turned to ash
And freed
Me

Of every concept and image
My mind has ever known.

one(Floatingly)arrive: (02:36 p.m.)Wednesday, September 11, 2002

Neechan's back. *snugs neechan* Bought a new watch. Now own first KareKano DVD. Also got scholarship money. W00t for not paying for college. (Well, not paying as much. ^_^;;)

My life thus far. ^_^; It doesn't *sound* like much when I say it, but somehow it seems like everything is happening at once, because now we have to start packing and thinking about how to get *there*. College. o_o (And anyway I said I wanted to have two new chapters of Ashes by summer's end and we're near the end of 5 but I don't even know where to *start* with 6 ... ugyuu. @_@) Anyhoo, more later ... when I actually have anything of import to say. XD;;

one(Floatingly)arrive: (04:41 p.m.)Monday, September 9, 2002

D00d ... Utada Hikaru got married. To an old guy. XD;; (Okay, he's not *really* old, just 34. But ... she's 19. That's young for marrying in general. o.o)

Last night, I made a new writing notebook. See, I'm an incredible loser, and I like to personally decorate the spiral notebooks I use for writing (snippets, poems, notes/outlines, as well as anything else I could possibly want to write down, like class schedules ^^;) ... and my current one is almost full (finally). I don't know if it would last until Thanksgiving break, so I made a new one ahead of time ... It's just a bunch of my favorite quotes, poems, and lyrics about life/love/writing, plus some pretty paper and liberal usage of gluestick. Yet I'm inordinately pleased with it. XD;;

Neko-chan, I hear you. ^_^; I understand the whole spectrum of affection-admiration-ambivalence that goes on -- I'd say it's an Asian-dad thing, just because the qualities in question really *are* the traits of quintessential Asian males. And being female members of the younger generation does not an ideal combination make. :/ I'm not sure if the issue is exacerbated by the fact that we're coming into our own as fledgling 'adults' about to go off and be (semi) independent, or if it's just the prospect of getting *out* that makes us more aware of what we will and will not miss. But I expect that, at least for now, my interaction with my dad will be a lot better when I see him once every few weeks instead of live with him everyday. I'll miss him, of course, but I think a little absence is in order to make some fondness grow. ^_^;;

Neechan comes home tomorrow~~ *niyari*

one(Floatingly)arrive: (03:55 p.m.)Friday, September 6, 2002

Because every once in a while, I need to do online quizzes just to get some eyecandy. XD;;

Which Saiyuki boy are you?
Take the Saiyuki Quiz at anime-doll.com

I didn't plan that, really. But I can't say I'm not pleased. :D

who's your male wench?
this quiz by belle

I get him or Legolas, depending on my answer to the last question. (But it's so *hard* ... ^_~)

Almost done with the new layout. All I need to do is the actual coding (which always takes a bit of wrestling XP), though I'm undecided as to when I'll actually put it up ...

I have no idea what my plans are for tomorrow. I should probably find that out soon. o.o;

one(Floatingly)arrive: (06:07 p.m.)Thursday, September 5, 2002

Just got off the phone. I'm happy. ^_^ It was so nice to talk to you, dear, and I'm glad everything has been, overall, wonderful. *snugs* Though I'm insanely jealous that you can just meet guys who will discuss poetry -- Neruda, no less -- if I chanced upon someone like that, I'd tie him down and make sure he was mine. XD

And sigh, I've started my own pre-packing closet excavation. That was a sigh of, well, everything -- sadness, tiredness, nostalgia. Getting all this ready brought to the surface a lot of things I hadn't been considering lately (not the least of which is that carting wet jeans from the laundry room on my own would not be a fun thing O.o). But also more sentimental, if random, things ... such as what it'll be like to have only the clothes *I* bring with me, and not be able to dig in my closet for that old shirt. Basically, not to be able to run back to home base for everything I need ... Though the cleaning part isn't all bad; there were some things in there I should've gotten rid of long ago. ^_^; Some of the clothes I had I literally hadn't worn since middle school, so it was nice to take a brief, if utterly superficial, trip down memory lane.

Ruby! Congrats (and a bit of surprise) on the domain! You never breathed a word about it. o.o But it looks gorgeous.

Damn straight you two will send me pictures. I want to be able to recognize you when I see you again. ^_~

one(Floatingly)arrive: (10:24 p.m.)Wednesday, September 4, 2002

Ara ara ... I get the same thing from my mom, neko-chan. ^_^; I actually *do* like going clothes-shopping, at least once in a while ... but the mood never seems to strike when my mom is there and willing to pay. o.o; Also, no need to bring the Coldfire books; or, if you do, you can keep them for yourself -- I caved and bought the other two, so I wouldn't have to wait. XD

A linguistics professor published a paper about the significance and meaning of 'like.' Not a joke; it was in my local paper today. ^_^; I paid close attention, because I use that word disgustingly often when speaking; I know it makes me sound like a stereotypical teenager at best (an idiot at worst O_o). Anyway, after listening to recorded conversation from teenagers, the professor determined that using 'like' *wasn't* a sign of inarticulateness (or Valley Girl stupidity), but an indicator of context and meaning. As in, its use signifies an informal relationship. Also, it's a way of saying what someone said, without quite saying it. (^_^;;) That's how I hear it most often: "And I was, like ..." because we didn't *say* that, exactly; or, if we're talking about someone else, we don't know the precise words the person used.

The way I use it most is sort of what the paper deemed 'as a qualifier.' It's when I know I'm giving information that's inexact, exaggerated, etc. for the purpose of just giving an indicator/example, or maybe as a joke. I don't know why I got into the habit; perhaps I don't trust my own ability to convey sarcasm. >.> And anyway, it's easier when I know people understand that usage of 'like,' instead of having to preface with "I'm about to make a facetious statement here" or something. XD;; Which is not to say I'm not trying to cut down. The study was somewhat validating, but I'd still be better off without that usage of 'like.' It really bothers me to use words -- any words -- repeatedly like that. >_<

Erm, anyway. I drew for the first time in weeks -- sat down and *drew*, instead of just doodling, and it was sketchy but it was *something* -- and it was somewhat decent. Been visiting Epilogue.net and feeling alternately shamed and inspired. XD;;

one(Floatingly)arrive: (05:28 p.m.)Tuesday, September 3, 2002

It seems like everytime I go shopping now I get earrings. O_o Not that I mind, really; I do need to build up my collection, but I'm now acquiring them faster than I can wear them. XD;;

Wrote a poem. It's for my friends, especially the ones who will be in separate places from me when school starts. Somehow, it doesn't feel like it has everything I want to say (and somewhere, e.e. cummings is also twitching in his grave >_<), but then again, this is isn't meant to be a complete "good luck and goodbye," (XD;;;) just a quick message. Er. Anyway.

And now, I'm going to finally get my lazy butt into gear and start changing all the email links in my fics and poems (and Soapboxes, if I'm feeling ambitious) so feedback can reach me at the correct address, come October. Since my dad rarely checks the email here, I think it'll be overtaken by spam when I go off to school. O_o So I don't want to risk letting feedback get lost in the deluge. Not that I really get comments off my site anymore ... I think I've received about three in the past several months, and they were all for really really (or just really) old fics. @_@ But it makes my little type A personality feel better, knowing I *could* get feedback if anyone sent it. XD;;

one(Floatingly)arrive: (10:46 p.m.)Monday, September 2, 2002

SatireWire has ... retired, I guess you'd call it. *sniff* Though I suppose it makes sense, what Andrew Marlatt gives as his reasoning; because the worst possible thing that could happen to a satire site would be for it to outlive the enthusiasm behind it, for the sake of money. O_o

In other news, I am freaking bored. >_< So far today, I have read: my book, blogs, the paper ... variety enough, but it begins to get a little stale. The end of Black Sun Rising was fun, though ... It made me giggle. (See how you've corrupted me? XD;;)

one(Floatingly)arrive: (07:21 p.m.)Sunday, September 1, 2002

Volume 4 of Alice 19th and Almond Crush Pocky. Happiness~~ XD

Lili-chan ... I don't think you need any more words to express what you felt. You spent most of the time telling us about you brothers and your relationship to them, and that's what we needed. The exact details of the moment don't need to be shared; I could tell its *significance.* For an outsider, that's what really describes it best; like you said, the moment was yours, private and something we don't have to 'see' to understand. ^_^

From Sakura and in turn from Tin. Sadly, I have to agree, even though I was weaned on many of those image songs, upon first learning about the wondrous concept -- 'These characters sing? XO' -- and therefore worshipped them. I don't hold illusions, though. Of Sensui's song, which I haven't heard in years, I remember little more than a mournfully bellowed "Un-be-REE-va-BUU-ru~~" X_x As for "Dark Side Stories," I don't remember it being *that* bad, though "Wild Wind" is definitely better in terms of singing and slashiness. At least in speaking, however, Nakahara Shigeru does all right ... actually, is pretty durn sexy. o_o (No comment on Hiyama Nobuyuki, because he plays Takashi in Initial D and therefore I now cannot hear him without laughing. XD;;)

In other news ... it's hard to write stuff without a plan. XD;; The outline neechan and I have made for Ashes is sort of ... irrelevant. As in, it's not so much an outline as a decision on final outcome of the plot, relationship resolutions, and noted use of the WAFF Mallet(tm). Meaning, somewhere in the middle of the story we break it out and say *WHAM!* "It's time for WAFF!" XD;;

one(Floatingly)arrive: (08:26 p.m.)Saturday, August 31, 2002

So as it stands, put together in one file, "From the Ashes" is well over fifty pages. It's the longest single work I've ever (co-)written. But ... it's taken literally a year to get this far. ^_O; Which is really rather sad. But I'm working on it, really. *rolls up sleeves* Perhaps two new chapters by summer's end -- much as I love this fic, I'd really not want it hanging over my head in grad school. XD;;

Then what am I doing here blogging, you say? Well, I'm not being derelict in my duties; I needed to get online to find Tokio's maiden name. (Yeah, she's dragged into this too. Sorta. XD)

And it's probably time for a new layout, but I rather like this one and will probably stick with it a while longer. I should probably make one that commemorates my entrance into college and has some Deep Profound Meaning ... but we'll just see if I don't end up with something shallow and sparkly. XD

one(Floatingly)arrive: (10:35 p.m.)Friday, August 30, 2002

Drew Carey was just on the local news. As in, *there* in the studio, making fun of the newscasters and messing with the weather report. I haven't the faintest idea why. ^_^;;

Been keeping in touch with my friends who are now on campus (all two of them ^_^;) and it makes me itch to go and get started already. I know what you mean, about being tired of just *waiting* for this huge transition to come already. Which is not to say that once I get there and get started I won't be missing and longing for my room and my parents and my friends and my lazy summer days ... but I want to get out there and meet new people, get out of the fishbowl that was my high school. o.o And be learning stuff again, make sure my brain hasn't atrophied. XD;;

I was struck with a rather worrying thought (well, for me; and this will tell you just how deep the difficulties of my life run) yesterday, and that is, what shall I do with my doujinshi? I've already accepted that I can't bring our entire manga collection with us to the dorm; and at least the ADP has RuroKen in case I ever need my fix. But the douj -- I'd have to go without until I came home. T_T I suppose I could try to fit them in somewhere, but I'm already bringing along a small stack of (utterly essential ^_~) poetry and miscellaneous books, and I think my parents will only tolerate one frivolous space-waster. :/

Sigh. But. As always, I'm easily distracted, and am currently entertained by the mp3 from Tin-san, of the noncanonical Miss Saigon song. And pretty new Winamp skins, with Tohru Azumi art. Niyari~~

one(Floatingly)arrive: (05:45 p.m.)Friday, August 30, 2002