chicken scratch v.13 ~~~ itsuka kitto

He-he~n. Owatta yoooo~~~~~n. XD XD XD And now I really, really have nothing left to do for the rest of my senior year. ^_^v It was easier than I thought, too; especially once I actually started talking. I flubbed a couple of words, but overall everything went according to plan. The panel was rather unresponsive (so much for a Q&A section), but I generally talked to the empty seats between them instead of looking in their eyes, so it wasn't discouraging. And I got my scores this morning -- I figured I'd passed, because the judges seemed apathetic-leaning-toward-satisfied (^_^;), but it was nice to not have to wait and wonder.

Afterward, went to celebrate, just me and my friend for a girls' night out. First stop was ice cream (Jamoca Almond Fudge :D~~), but we also did a lot of shopping. I got myself a cute peasant style shirt which ended up costing a lot less than I expected ... I also tried on a red party dress that I really liked, but I hardly had the justification for buying it, even if I'd had the cash. ^_^; Was thinking of buying myself a congratulatory RuroKen DVD, but they didn't have the one I wanted (Blind Justice, nya XD). 'Twas great fun, came back pretty freaking tired, and haven't done a productive thing since. ^_^

kanjite ikiteru +++ 06:42 p.m. on Thursday, June 6, 2002

Not much to tell right now. I'm making last-minute preparations for my Senior Project presentation like, oh, say, practicing my speech. ^_^;; On my first run-through last night it was 17 minutes (with an 8-10 min. limit O.o), but when I practiced in Government today it was only about 30 seconds over time. So ... hopefully it'll be okay. Will practice more tonight to sound more coherent. Also got an outfit to wear, after mildly freaking out that I wouldn't have something that fit the 'business attire' requirement.

Bah. Enough of the boring stuff. Was reading Alice 19th in Drawing today, and at one point when they're in the Inner Heart, Kyou vomits because of the poisonous mist. Furei wails, "Haitaaaaaa------- shoujo manga no hiiroo na no niii--" ^_^;; Watase also sticks in a little joke about Furei seeing the Suzaku Shichisei when he gets knocked out. <--easily amused ^^

kanjite ikiteru +++ 05:28 p.m. on Tuesday, June 4, 2002

Hmm ... Nothing like a summary dismissal of your blood, sweat, and tears to give you a good kick in the nuts, yes? But hey, I'm not complaining.

Senior Project presentation Wednesday ... >_< Hope I'm ready. I think, after I practice my speech tonight, I should be fine. I'm certainly not feeling ambitious enough to make one of the top presentations of my class -- funny how gung-ho I was about that when I was watching neechan's speech two years ago -- but I'm aiming at getting a solid passing grade. Unless, like someone in Calculus said, we somehow manage to underestimate and the entire AP class fails. XD;;

Eagerly reading the con reports from the jrock h0s ... I wanna see yours soon too. ^_^

Forgot to mention -- on Saturday I stopped by Kino's and picked up volume 3 of Alice 19th and Hana to Yume ... 12? I don't remember; it was the one with the HanaKimi clearfile as furoku. I don't normally get the anthologies, even on the rare chance they're still there when I go; basically, what it comes down to is that I'm a merchandise whore. XD;; I'm planning to hunt down ShoComi 12 for that Alice 19th bag, never mind the fact I haven't read that far in the chapters. _o_ Anyhoo, the FuruBa chapter in the HanaKimi was all about Ha~ri~~~ A nice treat for me, ^^ and it looks like he's finally getting another wub -- of all people, Mayuko, a.k.a. Tohru-tachi's teacher, and incidentally also Kana's best friend. O.o She also fell for Hatori when he and Kana first started working together. (Scandal!) The Alice 19th tank brought me all sorts of sparkly happiness -- I got to see what that scene of Kyou and Alice with wings was all about, and I got to see Kyou *kiss* Alice at the end of the volume. o.o! Only I wasn't reading closely, and it was only after I read a translation online that I found out she can't tell him her feelings. o.o!!! Man, Watase's playing me like a ukelele. >_< I was never this interested in the twists and turns (and twists and turns ...) of Tamahome and Miaka's relationship. Or that interested in Tamahome, for that matter. And I do so <3 Kyou. The Watase Male Romantic Lead seems to be evolving nicely -- Kyou's more accessible than Tamahome was, with real faults; and it's a given that he's better than Tooya. XD;; I mean really, did *anyone* like that guy? (... kidding, don't hurt me ._.)

kanjite ikiteru +++ 06:06 p.m. on Monday, June 3, 2002

Game 7 of the NBA Western Conference finals is on, and I'm prepared to hear any number of yells and boos from the living room, where my mother is watching. It's amusing how much she loathes the Lakers. XD;;

Made my PowerPoint presentation for my Senior Project last night. And it only took me six hours! XD;; I went to a friend's house to do it, and I swear, working together is never a good idea, for anything. ^_^;; But anyway, it's done and now all I have to do is write the speech to go with it, give my presentation on Wednesday, and it's all clear till graduation. Unfortunately, though, I don't have anything nearly as exciting to look forward to as she does once the presentation's over. ^_~

Oh, and the movie I watched Friday -- Welcome Back, Mr. McDonald -- was fscked UP. But funny as hell in the process. XD It's basically a parody of radio drama, but a satire of lots of other things too. Gotta love the Dramatic Running sequences -- reminds me of Keigo's Dramatic Running to Nowhere in Particular in Kami-sama. XD;; If you ever get the chance to see this movie, do.

And I now have, to fuel my unhealthy j-drama addiction, the first six episodes of Strawberry on the Shortcake. (I wonder what that means, anyway ... is it like the umeboshi on the onigiri? <--furuba h0 ^^;;) It's got Fukada Kyoko, yay! I've only seen half of the first episode, but it's looking good. ^_^

I forgot to mention this before, but Ruby has a lovely new layout. ^_^

And ... *blinks at inbox* I'm getting ... well, feedback. o.o This is rather rare, you see -- I haven't gotten comments on something non-Ashes in months. And Duet of Silents is getting more response than Ashes 4 (which was pitifully little anyway, but still). *unexpectedly pleased*

kanjite ikiteru +++ 06:20 p.m. on Sunday, June 2, 2002

And it is up! Ha, go me! XD The title is on purpose; what can I say, but ... I'm a crackhead. XD;; BGM for this was Josh Groban's To Where You Are; not that it really has anything to do with the fic itself, but rather my muse needs to be coerced -- ah, persuaded to cooperate, and music is often the best way to accomplish that. There was something in the song, its sheer emotion, that helped inspire.

And do you notice how much better fics seem once they're finished? I mean, maybe my prose is stilted and I have no plot, but it's like ... My prose is stilted and I have no plot and it's done, isn't it beautiful? *nadenade* ... and stuff like that. XD;;

Wah! Teresa has a new Kogepan layout! I wub Kogepan ... XD

And ... *yawn* I'm sleepy. But I'm going to a showing of a Japanese movie later today, so I probably shouldn't crash ... Need something to keep me up. z_z

kanjite ikiteru +++ 05:51 p.m. on Friday, May 31, 2002

Oh, wait, I forgot; I don't even know where this story is going. Aha, silly me ... n.n

Also attempting third person-omniscient, but it's turning out more like alternating third person-limited. @_@ Help.

kanjite ikiteru +++ 08:37 p.m. on Thursday, May 30, 2002

First off, happy twentieth to neechan! *snugs* Uwaaa, obaasan desu ne, anta. XD

Hope you two are having fun at Akon. You won't read this until you get back, but I'm sending you the message in spirit. :D And Lili-chan, if you do end up doing this next year, I will personally fly down there to see you wearing it. XD

To someone I know is reading this: I *will* get you blogging someday ... I don't suppose a layout with something like this could tempt you? XD

Okay. *cracks knuckles* Let's see if I can get the rest of this fic out of my head and onto the frickin' screen. I really ought to learn to finish oneshots when I start them, because more often than not they're spurred more by a certain ... feeling, rather than an actual idea, and it doesn't take much to lose that feeling. So here I go trying to grab the tail ends of it as it floats away. O.o (See fic. See fic run. See tori-chan run after it. Run, tori-chan, run.)

kanjite ikiteru +++ 07:00 p.m. on Thursday, May 30, 2002

D00d ... Iron Chef USA is on TV. William Shatner and crazy cooking. Bear in mind that the last mention I've had of him is the lengthy dissertation on Kirk/Spock as the origin of slash in Textual Poachers ...

My brain hurts. This is not helping my fic. O.o

kanjite ikiteru +++ 09:38 p.m. on Wednesday, May 29, 2002

So ... I want to major in this (well, more specifically, this). And I'd like to have a minor in this. But right now, this is looking really appealing. Not that having two minors would be too much, but the idea seems sort of overwhelming right now; plus I want to graduate in four years. Credit numbers are dancing (somewhat comically, but mostly menacingly) around my head right now. @_@

The more I think about it, though, the better a field of study CHI would be for my minor. I need a wide range of knowledge for writing, yes? And perhaps studying medieval history or the like would be better for developing realistic settings ... but then the history of *ideas* would give me a sound basis for world-building, wouldn't it (say yes because I want to study this ^^;;)?

Meimi ... thank you. XD XD XD Because my life just wouldn't be quite complete without hearing Okiayu Ryoutarou rapping about "bokura no gei." I sort of wondered at which point he would stop in order to preserve his image ... but I guess a man who will join Koyapii on a Special Seiyuu Project (where he's joined by an effeminate prepubescent, a psycho with an SM fetish, and, well, M-sama ^_~) doesn't have that much left to preserve. XD;; This is going to keep me smiling all night. Huzzah.

kanjite ikiteru +++ 07:21 p.m. on Tuesday, May 28, 2002

I realize it's a sign of one's extensive nerdishness when one spends time reading over one's old fics and agonizing over (in)consistencies in characterization, but dangit, this has been bugging me and I need to *know*. XO The problem is, the more I think (and that's always a problem), the more I analyze and overanalyze and evolve in my opinions of a character ... typically there are no radical changes, but in particular with Aoshi and my, er, fixation tendencies, I've continually unearthed new aspects of his personality to take into account. Or maybe it'd be more accurate to say new emphasis on individual aspects? My view of him has evolved, and it's visible in my fics ... but is it jarringly different, I want to know.

I used to think I saw him more as the majority of AoMisa authors (and doujinshika?) seem to: emotionally atrophied and internally tormented. Like, continuously. Even years later, after the (theoretical) Jinchuu Arc. But some comments once made by Ashfae made me realize more clearly that my image of Aoshi is actually less ... drastically angsty. At first, a combination of confusion and overload of typical 'guilty Aoshi' fics made me shy away from angst in general, but I've come to a more moderate, and hopefully permanent view. A key part of that was recognizing the very distinct growth his character goes through, and the three subsequent 'major stages' of his personality: pre-Meiji/Takeda Kanryuu, shura-to-Zen Buddhist, and post-Jinchuu. In a way, each encompasses one of the various positions I've taken on his character. And I guess my worry isn't so much that my Aoshi changes in my writing, but that he ... crosses into the wrong stage. Guilt-ridden and emotionally isolated in Meiji 16, or something like that. I think I've avoided that. I think. (Very accurate in Nagai Aida, somewhat iffy in Never Alone.) I really should put a timeline notice on these things.

This is not even taking into account how Misao reacts to the respective versions of him. Bother.

Anyway, the point. I'm playing around with a fic idea -- a small one-shot, just because I haven't written anything new in far too long. The way it's going, it'll probably turn out -- weird. *shrug* But it's gotten me thinking, in attempting to pick up these characters once more, how I've handled them in the past; and that Aoshi remains persistently tricky to pin down. I'd say he's not an older version of Arima (though he did share that complete and utter lack of self-worth thing, during the shura period), but perhaps closer to Hatori (erm, Hatori up to, say, episode 12 or something -- I haven't seen farther ^^;). I remember awhile back comparing him to Logan (Wolverine) and I think that could still be accurate ... I can see him coming to the same sort of acceptance of himself and his nature. He's not proud of what he's done, but he's come to terms with it. He's not the 'best there is at what he does' but hey, can't win 'em all. ^_^;

So, yes. Fic. Let's see how this turns out.

kanjite ikiteru +++ 11:37 p.m. on Sunday, May 26, 2002

So today was Senior Skip Day and I didn't skip. ^_^; But that's because I wanted to be here for my friend's Senior Project, in which she had two actors from the Portland production of "The Laramie Project" come and provide a workshop of sorts; they talked about the play, its history, and performed some scenes. It was fun, but coming to school on skip day was not. >.> I did skip first period, though, because -- well, any chance you get, you skip that teacher's class. XP Second period, our English teacher gave us an assignment. Can you imagine! XO I mean, we didn't do it, and I doubt she really cared anyway, but the principle, you know. �_� My Drawing teacher was nice and gave extra credit to me and the other senior who came today, but I don't even need the points in that class. ^_^; And then -- and *then* -- right in the middle of the workshop comes a lockdown bell. Except my Government teacher hadn't been informed of a lockdown drill being scheduled for today, so we all had to sit tight in the auditorium, which has no PA system, and wait. Information trickled in through cell phone calls to the main office (what was that about the rule of no cell phones ...?), and we gradually learned that no, this was no drill; there was "a report of a weapon in the school"; then, it seems, it was *outside* the school, and they had dogs coming to sniff the area ... We ended up stuck inside there for an hour after the lockdown began. So far as I know, they found nothing and it was just another fake bomb threat like sophomore year. X_X

But. The workshop, for the time it lasted, was great. My friend did an incredible job, overcoming so many things -- administrative paranoia (because our community is Highly Conservative), monetary issues, scheduling problems (luckily, many AP seniors came for the workshop, if nothing else) ... and then today, the actors were caught in traffic and came half an hour late. The poor dear was constantly worried the whole thing would fall apart. ^_^;; But they came, and it was good ... I even thought, in the first few minutes of the workshop, that nothing else could go wrong. ^_^;; But still, even if it didn't all go smoothly, it went incredibly well. Nearly all of the people who came were interested and attentive, even if they didn't all share the viewpoint of the majority. The actors were great, and really nice. I *want* to see the play sometime during its run here. I know I've said so before, but I highly encourage everyone to read the original play by Moises Kaufman.

Uwaaaaa ... Happy graduation to you two! I can't believe it's already the end of high school for you guys. o_o

Thanks for the well wishes, Vinita. (And welcome back to the blogging world!) ^_^ My knee is lots better; I'm elevating it whenever possible and the fluid is mostly gone, methinks. (TMI? ^_^;;) I've got almost full range of motion back, though it's not painless; and I can walk for a while without feeling sore.

Might be going out with my friends tonight ... a bunch of them went to see Star Wars this afternoon, but I declined (neko-chan, Lili-chan, you probably remember the reasons for my apathy/antipathy ^_^;;), but I'll tag along if they end up doing something afterward. So jaa for now!

kanjite ikiteru +++ 05:42 p.m. on Friday, May 24, 2002

Prom pictures came in today. ^_^ Mine are pretty good, but it looks like I'm almost in mid-blink. XP My date is quite photogenic, though. Neechan, yours and Bean's look quite nice. ^_^ All of my friends' did, really; except for one who permanently tainted his image in my mind by declaring that he was smiling like a pervert. O_o;;

I want to see you as Kyo. XD Send pictures, of course. And is tomorrow is your last day of finals? Or are you already completely done with school? o_o

Browsing the 108 questions for AoMisa fans as answered by Miki Hyoso, a Japanese fanartist ... I can completely or nearly completely understand maybe 15 of the questions and her answers, and for maybe half I can grasp the general gist of one or both parts; the rest I can only pick out names or phrases. I should probably go haul out my kanji dictionary to decipher some more, but I'm lazy. ^_^; There are some cute questions, like where either of them would go on a date, or what kind of pet each one would have (she says Aoshi is a cat person, naturally ^_^). Her favorite lines, "from either the original or the anime," are "Matteiru mono mo iru" for Aoshi and "Sono egao o itsuka atashi ga!" for Misao. There are the usual questions on why you like the pairing, but also some interesting ones like if you think they'll get married and (I think) what exactly Aoshi thinks makes Misao strong (because of his "Misao wa tsuyoi musume" line). I liked her answer for what kind of love confession words ("ai no kokuhaku serifu") would be best from Aoshi: "Iwanaide sotto warau toka ga ii." *_*

Also, from what I can get from this site, there's going to be a RuroKen "normal coupling only" doujin con in October, in Kyoto(?). I wanna gooooo. T_T

Is it very evident that I don't have much work to do? ^_^; I did make up a little annual college budget as a Government assignment ... and have realized that scholarships are a Good Thing, and I'm crossing my fingers for getting a lot out of the Washington Scholars thing. As it is, it'll cost about ten thousand or so for me to attend school, live in the dorms, eat, and have moderate entertainment (read: Kino's) expenses. And my parents are paying for it all. :/

And I have nothing to say about this link. n.n

kanjite ikiteru +++ 07:04 p.m. on Thursday, May 23, 2002

Have finished the chapter on fanfiction in Textual Poachers, and it was all right. Really, the most interesting information Jenkins includes on fanfic is its history and development, and that was discussed mostly in the first few chapters, along with the origin of other fandom practices. The actual fanfic chapter seems aimed more at newbies and does little more than outline some common genres. (I *was* amused by the description of "one of the most disbuted subgenres of fan fiction," a.k.a. the Mary Sue. XD) I'm in the middle of the slash chapter now, and it was ... interesting to be sitting with the parents and reading a chapter entitled "Welcome to Bisexuality, Captain Kirk," let alone with subsections like "'Slash' as Female P0rnography." ^_^;;

There seem to be a lot of TV shows ending this year, or at least more shows that I've actually watched more than once or twice. X-Files ... I hadn't been watching for the past couple of seasons (saw Doggett's intro, but that was about it), but I can still fondly remember when I first started following the story and it seemed "simple." Same with Rosie (yes, I watch that show XP), as well as Felicity. I never really followed Ally McBeal or Spin City regularly, but I caught the finale of the former on Monday and will probably watch the latter whenever it is. Maybe it's just the fact that I'm about to be finished with high school (yeah, it probably is), but all these little endings and things make me feel really nostalgic and wistful ... Let it be known first that, in all honesty, I despise change. Objectively, I understand the benefits of new experiences, and usually I appreciate the results once the changes occur; but my typical reaction to the prospect of new and unfamiliar things is stubborn antipathy. So even though I recognize the value of getting out there and going to college, and even though I'm excited about the opportunities for learning and growth, I still feel a tad reserved ... not as much as I did at the beginning of senior year, but I have a feeling it'll make one last rally of strength right before it's time to move. And at the moment I'm balancing on the edge of being shamelessly sentimental, and pretty much anything will turn me into so much emotional jello. Even TV series finales. So. Anyway, moving on.

Lili-chan, hope you feel better. I wish I could give you some advice, but my condition has really never gone away, only lessened over time. I still don't know what causes it, even after I went to the doctor and got the ultra-sound and stuff. (And speaking of ultra-sound, my English teacher is going this Friday to find out what her baby is. ^_^) I did read somewhere that nausea is often linked to anxiety; I think that applies to me but would it to you? o.o I don't know why you'd be stressed now of all times ... but in any case I suggest eating little meals or snacks, not enough to make you sick but enough so you won't go hungry, because being too hungry can make you nauseous too. Obviously stay away from spicy foods if you're not already doing that, and, um, relax. ^_^;

My knee is better -- I look almost normal when I walk, and I can go up stairs fairly easily. Going down stairs or bending and putting weight on my knee are still problems. And the P.E. coach said he thinks I have fluid in it. >_______< I'm looking up ways to deal with that, because otherwise he said to go to the doctor and have it drained but I've heard that's really painful. ;_______;

*sigh* I'm tangential today, aren't I? -_- Off to read some more. Or, if I'm feeling really ambitious, maybe I'll write. o.o

kanjite ikiteru +++ 06:25 p.m. on Wednesday, May 22, 2002

Here it is -- yet more red and black and white. ^_^;; Next time I promise I'll do something in blue. Or greens ... I don't think I've done that yet. But I have a tendency to overuse cool colors in general, so perhaps I should go with something in a bright, gaudy orange. :D Anyhoo, the lovely lady up there is Sakamoto Maaya, because she has one of the clearest, sweetest sounding voices ever, and "Kaze ga Fuku Hi" remains one of my favorites of her songs.

I wish I had something more interesting to tell about, but I don't. ^_^; I've got a couple of weeks in which I get to sit around feeling generally useless before I get to graduate; we always end up with too much time left after the AP exams. The good thing about this is that I've finally gotten back to reading for pleasure (gasp! is there such a thing? ^^;;) and am picking up Henry Jenkins' Textual Poachers again, having dropped it after reading the first chapter for my Senior Project. I'm about halfway through now, right in the middle of the chapter actually focusing on fanfic. It's a good read; kind of nice to see him actually take himself seriously while examining fandom in a sociological context. At times even *I* feel silly talking about fan practices, especially the really esoteric ones that seem "weird"; but you wonder if that's just a result of the ingrained bias perpetuated in contrast to "normal" media viewers. Anyway, I recommend it for a fun "history" lesson. Once I finish with that, I think I'll even be able to read novels again. O_O I've been meaning to read The Handmaid's Tale for a while ...

Oh, and my knee is healing nicely. ^_^ I can almost walk normally now for short distances, though I still hobble down stairs. ^_^;

kanjite ikiteru +++ 05:23 p.m. on Monday, May 20, 2002